THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, August 19, 1994 TAG: 9408180035
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DACRIE BROOKS, HIGH SCHOOL CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Long : 107 lines
STEPHANIE CAREY stands in her mother's kitchen preparing Swedish meatballs, reminiscing about tougher times. Not so long ago, a typical dinner for the 20-year-old was a package of Ramen noodles.
Almost four years ago, at 17, Stephanie petitioned the Virginia Beach Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court to become emancipated, a term that means living away from parents with the right to make decisions without parental consent.
Each year, hundreds of teenagers become emancipated. In Virginia Beach, an average of 60 teens a year petition the court for emancipation.
Stephanie did it because she thought it would be great being on her own, no longer answering to the constant demands of her parents. She wouldn't have to worry about curfews or how long she talked on the phone. She would be free.
But the real world turned out to be knotty and hard-edged.
On New Year's Day 1993, overwhelmed by rent, electric bills, a full-time job and pregnancy, Stephanie headed back to her parents' Virginia Beach home.
``(Emancipation) smacked me in the face, kicked me in the butt and knocked me down,'' she said. ``I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.''
Although it was easy to become emancipated - Stephanie had to be at least 16, living separately from her parents and have parental consent - she considers it one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She accuses herself of being too stubborn as a teenager.
``I didn't want to answer to my parents,'' Stephanie said. ``I wanted to be independent. . . to come in the house whenever my little heart desired.''
Stephanie said she never really cared for school that much. She attended Princess Anne High, but did not participate in any clubs or after-school activities. She didn't stay up late nights cramming for English and chemistry tests; her grades were mediocre.
Stephanie, who fought her family's control since she was a toddler, ran away from home numerous times to escape the pressures of her parents' rules. While staying at the Seton House, a local runaway shelter, she learned about the Virginia Emancipation Act of 1986.
Stephanie thought it sounded like a good idea, but two weeks after her emancipation, she started to question her decision, especially when she contrasted her lifestyle with that of her friends. She was living in an $80-a-month rented room, eating cheap and earning $4.25 an hour at Annabelle's restaurant, while most of her friends were in school, living with their parents and eating home-cooked meals.
Stephanie was living in a one-room garage with a small space heater. She lived with an elderly couple where she was subjected to a new set of rules: no male visitors, no long phone conversations, use of only the microwave.
Stephanie says she moved at least 10 times during the last four years. ``Nothing in my life was stable. I lived day to day, and tomorrow I'd figure out what to do with the next day,'' she said.
Stephanie found she couldn't handle the pressure of working and attending school full time, so she dropped out of Princess Anne to support herself when she was in the 10th grade, only a few months after being emancipated. She started night school, but was barely making ends meet.
``I had to budget everything,'' she said. ``I used less hair spray. There were so many things that I was paying for that I didn't have to pay for at home.''
The expenses added up and so did the bill collectors.
``I would ignore a bill because I knew that I didn't have the money to pay,'' she said. ``I didn't have a car; I couldn't afford it.'' Many times Stephanie walked a mile to work in the rain because she could not afford bus fare.
She worked as a housekeeper and as a waitress at Pizza Hut at the beach.
She rented a room at the Oceanfront for about a month and later was persuaded by one of her girlfriends to move to Florida.
``I was upset at one of my boyfriends at the time, so I figured why not?''
Stephanie was 17 when she packed her bags and headed to Florida. While there, she got pregnant with her son, Scott ``Scooter'' Daniel Carey, who turns 1 this weekend. She decided to return home when she found out she was pregnant.
Back at home in the Green Run section of Virginia Beach, Stephanie held Scooter and explained why she decided to return after 3 1/2 years of freedom.
``I just couldn't handle the pressure, and I wanted the stability back in my life,'' she said. ``I didn't see any other alternative; I had to get my life back on track.''
Stephanie doesn't regret moving back home, but she does regret the struggle that she caused herself. She is working as a machine operator at a local company and has not yet graduated, though she hopes to get her GED this fall.
She plans to move out of her parents' house this week and make another go of it. ``I'm ready this time,'' she said. ``I've planned this; I have a good paying job with benefits.''
Living on her own taught Stephanie responsibility, but it taught her something else, too.
``I'm still strong-willed and stubborn,'' she said, ``but I'll go for compromise now.'' MEMO: Dacrie Brooks is a rising senior at Cape Henry Collegiate who plans a
career in journalism. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
L. TODD SPENCER
Stephanie Carey moved back home when she became pregnant with her
son, ``Scooter,'' who is 1 year old.
Photo
D. KEVIN ELLIOTT
Stephanie Carey and her son, ``Scooter,'' plan to make another go of
living on their own this week.
by CNB