THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, August 19, 1994 TAG: 9408180225
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 07 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Diane Guyer
LENGTH: Long : 118 lines
Everyone would be wise to follow the old admonition to ``believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear.'' It has been my personal motto ever since my unplanned television debut last month.
On Saturday of Fourth of July weekend, my husband, Russ, and I took our friend Cindy out on the Bay to fish for flounder and croaker. Perhaps you saw us out there as you drove over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel. You know all those lovely little white and blue boats that dot the Bay? Well, ours is the little orange one.
Cindy and I wore our bathing suits under our clothes just in case we couldn't stand the heat. I am at a point in my life when I prefer not to have anyone see me in my bathing suit. I don't look that great in a bathing suit. Don't get me wrong - I don't look terrible in one, and it's not as if I feel in danger of being harpooned or something, but I just prefer to limit my bathing suit-wearing to the privacy of our own little boat in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay, away from prying eyes.
After fishing for hours in the hot sun, Cindy and I took off our shirts. A few minutes later, Cindy said, ``Look at that big boat over there.''
``That's a Coast Guard vessel,'' Russ said.
Cindy said, ``They're waving at us!'' We all waved a friendly hello to them.
``They're getting closer,'' Cindy said.
They got very close. When the Coast Guard vessel zoomed up next to us, one of the men aboard asked, ``When's the last time you were boarded by the Coast Guard?''
Russ replied, ``Never.''
``Mind if we come aboard?'' the Guardsman asked.
About the time that two Coast Guard guys were climbing aboard, we noticed an attractive young woman wearing a skirt and high heels squatting on the deck of the Coast Guard vessel. She was clutching a microphone labeled Channel 13 News, and a cameraman squatted next to her, aiming his camera at us. This was when I tried to slide behind my friend Cindy, which was comparable to a brooding hen attempting to hide behind a wet sparrow.
The Channel 13 news reporter explained that she was doing a story on the new drunk driving law that had gone into effect that weekend which lowers the legal level of blood alcohol for both car and boat drivers. She asked what we thought, and Cindy gave her an articulate statement in support of the new law and of safe driving and boating practices in general. Since we had no beer aboard, we offered to hold up our cans of caffeine-free Pepsi and caffeine-free Diet Coke - a wise choice when you're on a ``headless'' boat.
Meanwhile, the Coast Guard guys inspected our boat from stem to stern and checked our safety gear and all of Russell's paperwork, including his FCC license for operating the marine radio. They even looked at our lone flounder in the cooler and acknowledged that it was a fine-looking, legal-size fish.
We passed every part of the inspection with flying colors and were commended for our safe boating practices. As the Coast Guard vessel pulled away, the cameraman yelled, ``6 o'clock news! Channel 13! Tonight!''
While I was not thrilled with the idea of a large segment of the Hampton Roads population viewing me in a bathing suit on the 6 o'clock news, I did find the idea of instant fame exciting. I put a tape in the VCR and then called my friend Donna, who has already seen me in a bathing suit, to tell her to watch.
There were several car accidents, shootings and even a plane crash that day, so our story didn't appear. Donna was slightly upset, since she had altered her family's dinner hour in order to watch. My credibility rating at their house plummeted, I'm sure.
The next day - Sunday - we had a terrible thunderstorm, and our power went out at 4 in the afternoon. At 6:15, Cindy phoned and yelled, ``Tape it! Tape it! We're on!''
``I can't tape it,'' I yelled back. ``You tape it! We have no electricity.''
Cindy ran to push the record button and then raced back to the phone to give me a blow-by-blow description of the rest of the news report. ``Ooh, they're showing the guys checking Russell's life jackets!'' Cindy squealed. ``Now, they're showing me telling the reporter what I think about the new drunk driving law!''
``Can you see me mushrooming out from behind you?'' I asked.
``Yep. There you are,'' she said. ``That's it. It's over now. Let me see if it taped.'' There was a brief pause, followed by a distraught Cindy exclaiming, ``I must have pushed the wrong button! I didn't get it on tape!''
``Don't worry,'' I said. ``It'll probably come on again on the 11 o'clock news, and I'll tape it then. I'm sure we'll have our power back by then.''
The power came back on at 6:45. At 11, I turned on Channel 13, ready to record our brush with fame. To my utter amazement there was no 11 o'clock news because of the length of the movie being shown.
The 11 o'clock news finally came on at 11:30, and we were soon watching a strange version of our boat story. It was the revised edition.
The 11:30 version, which we sadly have saved on tape for prosperity, goes something like this:
Anchorwoman: A new drunk-driving law went into effect this weekend . . . affects boaters as well as drivers of cars . . . you can face a fine of $5,000 and you may even go to jail. . . .
(Shot of our orange boat, with us fishing. There might as well be a sign plastered across it reading, ``Yes, this is the Guyers' orange boat, everyone! They're probably guzzling beer!'' Russ is especially recognizable in his red shirt and favorite fishing hat. Cindy can be seen casting a line into the water, and something blurry seems to be mushrooming out from behind her.)
The Coast Guard will board any boat suspected of being over the limit.
(Shot of Coast Guard guys boarding our boat, and me trying to hide behind Cindy, which gives me a vaguely guilty look.)
(Cut to some official-looking nice lady of some organization - what was it again? GLUBB? Go Lock Up Boozing Boaters? Something like that.)
Official Looking Lady: (I am paraphrasing here). Yes, these drunken boaters have got to be stopped, etc, etc.
So, that was it. We went from being heroes of the Chesapeake Bay at 6:30 to total pond scum by 11:30.
Russ and I attended a Fourth of July neighborhood picnic the next day and discovered that several of our neighbors, including the mayor, for crying out loud, had recognized us and our boat on the news. The 11:30 news.
Her honor was sympathetic when we explained how we had been framed, and she said she could relate. Actually, I think it might even have been Mrs. Oberndorf who recalled to me the adage about being skeptical. So, if you happened to have watched the 11:30 news on Channel 13 on July 3, remember to believe no more than half of that boating story. We were not drinking beer . . by CNB