THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, August 20, 1994 TAG: 9408190076
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 64 lines
WELCOME TO Maddry's Political Correctness Class 102. You will note that your teacher continues to use white chalk on the blackboard despite protests that the gesture is a symbol of white oppression, offensive to many.
Your teacher now concedes insensitivity in this matter. And, rather than offend, he will be using black chalk on white blackboards on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, when the proper equipment arrives.
By mid-term of next year, we will have converted to red, yellow, black, green, mauve, aquamarine and magenta chalk, which will be used on a color neutral board. At that time, I will no longer be using the board. Instead, students of alternating races and gender will be selected to use the chalk - by a drawing of names from a hat. All drawings will be supervised by a multi-ethnic committee of three.
Today, class, I will discuss two major contributions made to political correctness in recent weeks.
The first is from the Virginia Association of Realtors, which has issued a list of words that agents should avoid because they might someday, sometime, and in some way, offend someone on this planet or in remote galaxies beyond the Milky Way. Among the words to be avoided, according to the association, are ``Handyman's dream,'' ``perfect for runners and bikers,'' ``female roommate'' and ``near country club.''
Small wonder they upset the Realtors. ``Perfect for runners and bikers'' is highly insensitive. It not only insults the physically challenged but disses skateboarders and stilt-walker.
``Female roommate'' is obviously sexist, while ``near country club'' strikes me as a put-down of those not living near a country club. Unless, of course a rural implement is intended, in which case the more specific ``axe'' or ``pump'' handle is preferred.
So much for pc progress in Virginia. Now let us turn our attention to Tiburon, Calif., - the home turf for THE GREAT LAWN JOCKEY DEBATE.
The town of Tiburon has a collection of lawn jockeys, which were originally black, to honor the first great jockeys of Kentucky thoroughbred racing who were all black.
However, 10 years ago, a black man complained about the black lawn jockeys, feeling they were racist. So their owner, Ed Zelinsky, who is landlord for most downtown businesses, replaced the lawn jockeys, which had been designed in the 1800s. The black lawn jockeys were replaced with white lawn jockeys ordered from the same company.
In recent days, the white lawn jockeys have been found wanting by the Rev. Jerry Buckner, a black minister who has complained that the white jockeys are racist and should be painted black.
Zelinsky, who has been painted into a corner himself by political correctness, refuses to budge.
``I don't want to paint the white jockeys black because that would be like Al Jolson, a minstrel show,'' he argues.
This week, an agreement was reached in the great lawn jockey debate. Tiburon's white lawn jockeys will remain white. But a statue of a disheveled youth - once black, then painted white when protests were lodged - will regain its African-American hue in a compromise reached by community leaders.
The great stable of political correctness has many stalls, class. But we can usually get what we're looking for if we whine. And nag, of course. by CNB