THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, August 20, 1994 TAG: 9408190097
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E7 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY CRAIG A. SHAPIRO, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 67 lines
ANDY BENES is a bum.
Just before the Aug. 12 baseball strike, Benes, the third-best pitcher on the last-place San Diego Padres, took Jeff Bagwell out of the Houston Astros' lineup with a pitch that broke the stud first baseman's left hand.
Andy Benes is a saint.
His timing was perfect.
Not for Baggy.
In a season of wire-tight divisional races and personal record chases, his charge was the most captivating: No. 1 in RBIs (116) and runs (104). No. 2 in home runs (39), average (.367) and hits (147). He had 15 steals! The soft-spoken superstar carried the Astros into a dead heat with Cincinnati's Reds.
For me.
Fingers crossed: If real big-league baseball is over for this year - and negotiations in New York are on life support - the Bagel Boys, my team in a local fantasy baseball league called OOTL (Out Of Their League), are champs the second year running.
Pull the plug.
PULL THE PLUG!
It doesn't have a thing to do with the competition. The Boys occupy the OOTL penthouse, up a healthy 13 points thanks to Bagwell's big stick. We are the Yankees and everyone else is the American League East.
It doesn't have a thing to do with winnings. There's $10,000 on the line in a fantasy league run by The Sporting News; right now, some unemployed law-school grad is in first place. But we're small change.
It's because I want the plaque.
It's because at the start of the season, I half-bragged that ``Threepeat'' will be the Boys' motto.
Mostly, it's because fantasy baseball is a sickness masquerading as fun.
If you haven't played, you can't imagine. In early April, 11 guys - sensible family men with good jobs - rent a conference room at an Oceanfront hotel. Over the next four hours, we spend $260 in pretend money putting together a team of nine pitchers and 14 offensive players.
The teams, chosen in an auction with the top bidder getting his man, are made up of real players. We pay a service to keep weekly statistics in eight categories - home runs, wins, that sort of thing. A team finishing first in every category would have 88 points and waltz off with the plaque. It hasn't happened in OOTL, but the Boys do have 76.5.
This goes on all over the country and around the world.
But this is when it gets weird:
For six months, your evenings are spent scanning ESPN and Headline News for updates. You watch pointless games between New York and Florida because a Met or Marlin might be yours. You have favorite announcers on ``Baseball Tonight.'' When that's not on, you swallow your pride and turn to the last resort: Glib Fred Hickman and oily Nick Charles on ``Sports Tonight.''
All that has changed.
My wife and I are watching videos. Together. My kids now believe the den doesn't turn into ``Daddy's Lair'' every evening at 8. The whole family did a jigsaw puzzle. I'm almost through with a book.
Salary caps or salary arbitration? Who cares? Let the players and owners point fingers. Go ahead, make a sham of baseball.
Take me out to the ballgame?
Take me out of the ballgame.
But please, leave the box scores. by CNB