THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, August 27, 1994 TAG: 9408260057
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E01 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 86 lines
FOR THE PAST YEAR or so, folks here stopped worrying about our region's name and let the issue drift lazily in and out like an old shoe in the tide.
Now comes the Virginia Waterfront Regional Travel and Tourism Benchmark Survey, which tells us that people living within a day's drive of the region haven't heard of ``Hampton Roads.''
What the survey doesn't tell us is what other things those living outside our charmed circle have never heard of. Having observed some of the Bubbas in brogans on drives through the gulch of goofiness beyond our borders, I can only guess.
Here are some things I suspect they also haven't heard of, or at the least find bewildering: gravity, Bach, the Renaissance, silkworm missiles and thermos bottles.
Whatever folks living beyond our borders don't know, their ignorance of Hampton Roads is clear. So it is not surprising that the City of Norfolk is promoting the region - in a multimillion-dollar promotional campaign - as ``Virginia Waterfront.''
The Virginia Waterfront campaign is a sincere effort to bring more visitors to Hampton Roads, further stimulating the economy with tourist dollars. That's good.
But the survey has raised more questions than it answers. One of them is should children who do not learn where Hampton Roads is be flogged? Or maybe fitted with leg irons and cast into dungeons? And what does their stupidity say about their teachers?
Raised within a day's drive of here, I learned where Hampton Roads was during history class at school. The name came up - as it surely should everywhere - during a discussion of the battle between the Monitor and the Merrimack. Our teacher pulled down a map, which rolled up and down like a window shade, and tapped at it with her ruler. ``The battle took place at Hampton Roads . . . right here,'' she said.
I memorized the location, thinking the two words in combination had a strong nautical sound, nicely suited for the merging of rivers suggested by the name.
Hampton Roads. There was a slightly baritone rumble to the combination that suggested thunder. I gave Hampton Roads high marks for the poetical image the name conjured. And placed it on the top shelf of good place names - not too far from the incomparably great ones such as Steamboat Springs, Death Valley and Bar Harbor.
The survey raises another question that deserves close examination. Are those living among us who are not native to Hampton Roads deserving of more credit than we have given them?
Look around. Your neighbor may be one of the valiant pioneers who blazed a trail through the foggy veil of mystery enveloping our region, using only a pocket compass and a road map. He or she may have come from as far away as Portland, Ore., or Seattle. Incredible! Our come-heres are the Magellans and Neil Armstrongs of their day. In short, they have the right stuff. Medals should be struck in their honor. And our sons and daughters should be encouraged to marry their children. It would be interesting to learn what the people who said they had never heard of Hampton Roads thought it might be:
``And in the far corner, weighing three-hunnert-n-eighty pounds, the undefeated champeen of heavyweight pig rasslin', Ham Ton Rhodes.''
How can anyone be so stupid? And yet, these are the tourists we are courting with an advertising campaign. Call me a cynic, but I almost see them heading our way with head-swinging plastic dogs on their vehicle dashboards and brochures touting the Virginia Waterfront on the front seat.
Call me a fool if you like, but I think the brochures should give more emphasis to hospitals and less to the museums. That's because geographical illiterates are too dumb to live safely. They are people totally oblivious to their surroundings. As a class, they tend to saw themselves off the limbs of tall trees. Or cast their fishing lines across Virginia Power wires. Or forget to remove their heads when closing windows.
The siren song of tourism is going to be the wail of an ambulance before long. Trust me. . . . I know these people. MEMO: INFOLINE
Virginia Waterfront isn't a bad name, really. But it seems a bit
vague. Ditto Tidewater. What do you think? Why not cast a vote
indicating your
choice of the three names, including Hampton Roads. To vote phone
Infoline at 640-5555 and punch NAME (6263) on your dial.
KEYWORDS: HAMPTON ROADS VIRGINIA WATERFRONT SURVEY
by CNB