THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, August 28, 1994 TAG: 9408260082
SECTION: HOME PAGE: G1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY MARY FLACHSENHAAR, SPECIAL TO HOME & GARDEN
LENGTH: Long : 208 lines
NOTHING EVER changed in Mayberry. Back when Andy and Aunt Bee were raising Opie, dinner was served at the same time every night. The cast of characters that rocked contentedly on front porches afterward rarely included a new face. And Andy and Barney never considered a move to another city for a better job.
A moving van coming into Mayberry would have been such a curiosity that the townsfolk would have lined the streets.
Not so in the Hampton Roads of the '90s, where a moving van is a common sight on city streets and winding country roads.
A new family arriving in the Mayberry of the '50s would certainly have received a warm welcome - homemade pickles and pies from Aunt Bee and her cronies, offers of help from Andy and his buddies. But these busy days, a new family may get little more than a blurred wave from neighbors, as they rush from the front door to the car on their way to the job or the kids' carpool.
This is unfortunate, according to Norfolk therapist Mark Rabinowitz, because every newcomer needs to make a connection. A homemade pie is a wonderful way to connect, but it isn't the only way.
``You shouldn't minimize the significance of something as simple as a knock on the door or an invitation to coffee or advice about dentists and doctors,'' said Rabinowitz, a licensed clinical social worker. ``Something that simply lets people know that they're not alone - I see that as critically important.''
Social groups can be tremendously helpful, Rabinowitz added. ``A wives' group from a Navy ship or another type of social club where a common interest is shared by everyone makes for a built-in support group,'' he said. This is really ``quite terrific'' and can ease some of the feelings of loneliness and depression that often accompany a move, he said.
Residents of Hampton Roads - with its large military population and healthy growth rate in recent years - are perhaps more experienced at saying hail and farewell than folks in other parts of the country. A newcomer might be lucky enough to move onto a block where a modern-day Aunt Bee makes sure all new folks get a covered-dish supper, along with the inside scoop.
For those who aren't so lucky, there are more structured ways to make a beginning in Hampton Roads. Even if the first door that opens to a newcomer leads to a Chamber of Commerce office, one tidbit among the office's vast amounts of information might be the key that opens many more doors.
Hampton Roads lays out the welcome mat in many ways. Here are some of them: GREETINGS 2 U
When newcomers have questions about Hampton Roads, Sarah Whitehurst finds the answers. Greetings 2 U is the name of the welcome service she has managed for eight years with husband Bynum Whitehurst from a Chesapeake office.
Impressed by the effectiveness of the advertising he did for his Chesapeake garden shop through Welcome Wagon, Whitehurst decided to start a similar business when that newcomer service was phased out of the area in the mid-'80s.
Structured much like Welcome Wagon, Greetings 2 U employs 19 hostesses whose job is to greet newcomers in Hampton Roads.
A hostess arrives at a home, bearing a fancy basket laden with a welcome letter from the mayor and with information and free samples from local businesses. A veterinarian might contribute a leash; a beauty salon might give a coupon for a free haircut.
A resident of the same neighborhood in which she works, the hostess also carries a headful of details not found on business cards or coupons. She has answers to questions like, ``Which dentist do you think will be best for a squeamish toddler?'' ``Which supermarket carries the best produce?'' ``Who on the block likes to play bridge?'' ``Is there any place we can square dance?''
If she doesn't know an answer, she will research it and get back to the customer.
Usually, the 30-minute visit resembles a kaffee klatsch more than a business meeting. ``Many of the families we serve let us know they so appreciate our visit,'' said Sarah Whitehurst. ``Our hostess is sometimes the first friendly face they see.''
Working from a list of newcomers obtained from Realtors and the Hampton Roads Chamber of Commerce, the hostess knocks unannounced on the door of the new folks on the block.
``If we try to make a phone call for an appointment, we find that most people assume we're trying to sell something,'' said Sarah Whitehurst. There is no charge to the 400 or so families the company visits each month. The local businesses and sevices represented in the baskets that Sarah Whitehurst decorates pay an advertising fee.
When the Whitehursts discovered that newcomers were just as eager to socialize with neighbors as they were to find the name of a good plumber, the couple also got into the business of organizing social clubs that revolve around a common interest like golf or cards. They called that arm of their company Greetings 2 U Socially. So successful was this effort that the many social clubs it spawned now function on their own.
Greetings 2 U visits new families in Chesapeake, Virginia Beach, Poquoson/Tabb, Kiln Creek in Newport News, Suffolk, Smithfield, Franklin and Elizabeth City. The company is at P.O. Box 2515, Chesapeake, Va. 23327. Call 547-3850. CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
You won't get a homemade pie at the Hampton Roads Chamber of Commerce, and you won't get the neighborhood gossip. But you can get just about any fact or figure about the area at the chamber's five offices.
``We like to think of ourselves as a front door to the area,'' said senior vice president Ira Agricola. ``About 500 new families a month contact our office for information. We try to be as candid as we can. If a question has a factual answer, we can give it, but if the answer is subjective, we can't.''
So while you may not be able to find answers to questions like, ``What's the best school district, really?'' you can easily make a comparison of school enrollments, operating budgets, SAT scores and dropout rates from studying the Hampton Roads Statistical Digest.
The digest is one publication in a library of books, magazines, leaflets, maps and videos available at the chamber's regional headquarters in downtown Norfolk and its four branch offices. The offices will mail a free list of publications to interested consumers. Most publications have a charge and all can be ordered by mail with a form attached to the list, or can be purchased at the chamber's offices.
The ``newcomers' series'' of materials contains a wealth of information that can make smooth sailing of a move to the area. These include a job-seekers' package, guides to private schools and higher education, home and apartment directories and stat sheets on the five southside cities.
A long wall of the Norfolk office displays free brochures on parks, campgrounds, resorts, museums and other recreational offerings throughout the state.
The main office is at 420 Bank St., Norfolk, Va. 23501. Call 622-2312. Other offices are in Virginia Beach, Portsmouth, Chesapeake and Suffolk. THE NAVY
While many area employers and Realtors offer services that cushion a move to Hampton Roads for the newcomer, the Navy, the area's largest employer, has made a science and an art of laying out the welcome mat for its own.
While offering a system that makes the physical aspects of a move, such as finding a home, as swift and simple as possible, the Navy also has resources for dealing with the less tangible, often more stressful aspects of relocating. In addition, many in the Navy take pride in the more informal traditions of caring for each other at the neighborhood level.
``If a new family arrives in Navy housing, a neighbor is likely to come over with a plate of food or a new plant,'' said Terri Luedtke, chairman of the Tidewater Ombudsman Aassembly. ``We have a tendency in the Navy to take care of each other.''
The caring might begin at the Norfolk Navy Housing Welcome Center at Janaf Shopping Center, home to a state-of-the art system for helping Navy folks transferred to the area find a home that meets their needs. (The center also helps those transferred out of the area find housing at their new destination.)
While at their previous command, the Navy family likely received a welcome packet from this office, an envelope stuffed with home and apartment directories, maps and lists of important community and military phone numbers. When the family arrives at the Norfolk welcome center, Mom and/or Dad are ushered into an office staffed by a housing-management assistant, who has computerized lists of homes for sale and rent. Meanwhile, the kids have fun in a supervised child-care center down the hall.
Workshops on home buying, selling and property management are offered at the center, and one day a week, a Norfolk city employee guides Navy folks through the maze of voter registration, state and local taxes, car registration decals and the like. If the newcomers are without a car, a van and driver from the center transport them to the property site they are interested in.
``We try to provide a one-stop service center for housing,'' said Martha Kessler, a public-affairs officer with the Navy. ``We do everything we can to make a move as pleasant as possible.''
The Navy Family Services Centers supplement with other types of services, many of which relate more to the emotional challenges that accompany a move. Workshops aim to prepare the family for relocation. If a family member isn't adjusting well, psychological counseling, which is provided at the centers, may be recommended.
Family Services also keeps a ``loan locker,'' a stash of household goods available to those who might have to move ahead of their personal belongings. THE NEIGHBORHOOD
The first gift Jeanne Belcher remembers getting from her next-door neighbor was a bucket of water.
``We had just moved in and I was trying to scrub the kitchen floor,'' said Belcher, who lives with her husband, a Navy lieutenant, and their three children in Norfolk. ``The water hadn't been turned on yet and so things weren't going so well until Frances poked her head in and said, `Do you need a bucket of water over there?' ''
It was the first of many precious gifts Belcher was to get from Frances Wallace, a woman more than 50 years her senior.
The daughter of a retired Air Force general, Belcher had made ``about 17 moves'' before the family arrived in Norfolk's Larchmont section in April.
``I've felt the pain of leaving so many times that I think I've closed up a little,'' she said. ``I was less closed 10 years ago, but that hurts when you move so often. I can be a very loving friend, but I tend to live more for the day than for the future.''
The second gift Belcher remembers from her kindly neighbor Frances was a homemade Southern casserole bread.
``People here have a Southern hospitality, a special touch that I haven't felt elsewhere,'' Belcher said. ``Frances brought bread, and other neighbors helped me with advice on dentists and everything else I needed to know. Sometimes, I sense a hesitancy to let the military in, but this area does better than most in putting out the welcome mat.''
The third and most precious gift that Wallace gave Belcher was her friendship.
When you're new in a neighborhood, the homemade goodies and the nuggets of advice are nice, Belcher said. ``But what you need mostly is a welcoming, caring type of person who'll take you under a wing,'' she said. ``Frances did that for me. We began to share our stories with each other, and now I try to go over to have coffee and talk every day. It's gotten so she needs me as much as I need her.''
In just a few short months, Belcher no longer feels like the newcomer. And that, she says, is a tribute to Frances and the rest of the neighborhood. ILLUSTRATION: DAVID B. HOLLINGSWORTH/Staff color photo illustration
Color photo
PETER SUNDBERG
Beverly Gehlert from Greetings 2 U delivers a gift basket to Hampton
Roads newcomer Gretchen Maas Scott. by CNB