THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, September 2, 1994 TAG: 9409010074
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E14 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: TEENSPEAK
SOURCE: BY LORRAINE EATON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 66 lines
NO ONE SUGGESTED that their parents get lost. Or that they lighten up. Or that they cease their endless nagging.
Instead, the six participants in this week's Teenspeak in Ahoskie, N.C., said if they could tell the parents of America anything, they'd say stop rushing around so much and spend some time with your kids - even if your teenagers seem as if they are doing just fine on their own, thank you very much.
``Teenagers need their parents just as much as little children do,'' said Edwin Coulbourn III, a sophomore at Bertie High School and a resident of Windsor.
``Probably more,'' added Genia Canada, a Bertie High senior from Powellsville.
``Little children feel so insecure about growing up,'' Edwin added, ``yet teenagers feel so insecure about everything in life.''
There's no way around it, they said. Both parents and kids must work at having a strong and meaningful relationship. And if you and your parents don't really know each other, you may want to take a look at your own behavior.
``If a parent is willing to sit down (and talk), don't just brush them off,'' said Karen Harris, a Bertie High senior from Askewville. ``If they say, `How was your school day?,' don't just say, `It was fine.' Sit down and tell them; if they are interested, take time to tell them.''
And parents, you don't have to wait for a special occasion to talk.
``You don't have to play basketball with (your teenagers), just sit around and talk,'' said Efrem Gandy, a Bertie High sophomore from Lewiston.
``It's the little things,'' said Erica Perry, a Bertie High sophomore from Windsor. ``Even parents who work all day should find the time. They could be in the kitchen cooking - just call to the child and say, `Sit down and talk to me while I'm preparing dinner.' ''
The teens said parents, being older and wiser, need to consistently set good examples for their kids and be people that they can respect and look up to.
``Once we are teenagers, it's pretty hard for parents to get respect if they don't already have it,'' Erica said. ``If (parents) are out on the streets, it's hard to respect them.''
``But it's not impossible,'' Edwin said. ``They could sit down and ask the child what they could do differently.'' No one thought that parents asking kids for advice was particularly revolutionary.
Parents who do take the time to have a relationship with their kids get more than good conversation and a clue to what's going on in their teenagers' lives. The students said that good parents develop a sixth sense.
``My mother can sense any time I have a problem,'' Edwin said. ``I don't even realize I'm acting abnormal. She'll ask me what's wrong, and we'll sit down and talk about it - my dad's the same way.''
That can get annoying at times, the teens said. But it has its advantages.
So how much time is enough time to spend together?
``It could be anytime or all the time,'' Karen said.
``I feel that a parent should be around 24 hours a day, seven days a week,'' said Tiyun Hayes, a senior at Hertford High who lives in Colerain. ``If a child needs help or assistance with life or homework, or they need to talk about sex, parents should be there when they need them.'' ILLUSTRATION: Photos
by CNB