THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, October 16, 1994 TAG: 9410130182
SECTION: CAROLINA COAST PAGE: 03 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Ford Reid
LENGTH: Medium: 60 lines
A decade ago, I was so impressed with a recipe in a major metropolitan newspaper that I clipped it and stuck it on my refrigerator, where it stayed for years.
It was a recipe for a peanut butter and honey sandwich, one of my favorites, and it went something like this: ``Spread peanut butter on one piece of bread and honey on the other. Put the two pieces of bread together so that the peanut butter is touching the honey.''
Why didn't I think of that?
We've made a lot progress in the past ten years and now there are directions for almost everything.
Check your bottle of dish washing detergent. Mine says: ``Apply Sunlight to sink while filling with hot water.''
So that's how you do it.
The baby powder says: ``Shake powder into your hand and smooth on the skin.''
No wonder I've been making a mess of that for all of these years.
My wife's deodorant has the following instructions: ``Turn screw to raise product. Apply to underarms. Replace cap.''
Wait a minute! They never told me to remove the cap. How am I suppose to think of these things myself? If they are going to give directions, they ought to make them complete.
A lot of progress in product directions, yes, but perhaps not enough. There are still quite a few things out there that do not come with instructions.
Take, for instance, air. How are we suppose to know how to use this product safely and efficiently?
It ought to come with directions that say: ``Breathe in, then breathe out. For best results, hold the product in the lungs for a fraction of a second before expelling it.''
Or water. There is water, water everywhere but how in the world do we use it?
There ought to be directions on every tap that say: ``May be used for drinking, washing, cooking or making coffee or tea. For best results, do not use the same portion of product for all of these things.''
Sunlight, the real stuff, not the dish soap, should come with a warning label as well as directions that read: ``Use sparingly to warm the body, create freckles, melt ice and fade certain gaudy clothing.''
How about all of those confusing body parts? How are we supposed to know how to use them?
Legs, for instance, ought to come with directions that read: ``For standing, walking or running. To stand, keep legs still. To walk, lift one leg at a time and move it forward. To run, follow the same procedure, but do it faster.''
Soon, there will be no question unanswered. Never again will we be in the embarrassing and annoying position of looking at some odd thing and asking ``What do you suppose this is for?''
Isn't the Information Age wonderful? by CNB