THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT  
              Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Friday, October 21, 1994               TAG: 9410210048
SECTION: DAILY BREAK              PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 
COLUMN: LISTEN UP!
                                             LENGTH: Medium:   53 lines

MAKE EFFORT TO RESOLVE A CONFLICT WITH TEACHER

DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN,

I have a teacher who is really mean to me. She is always telling me to shut up and makes fun of me when I ask a question. What should I do ? Talk to my mom, tell the school principal - what? - Angry

Dear Angry: It is really difficult when an authority figure has it in for you. School is a place to learn, and if you are being made fun of by a teacher every time you ask a question, there is definitely a problem.

Ask yourself whether you're somehow provoking this obnoxious behavior. Do you mouth off in class? Contradict your teacher at every turn? Not live up to your ``full potential''? Let's say you study hard, come prepared, don't act up in class and still the teacher treats you badly. It's time to take action.

First, try talking to the teacher. It'll take a lot of courage, but it is definitely worth it and may be easier than you think. Remember to try to contain your anger. Something along the lines of ``We don't seem to be getting along; is there something we can do to work it out?'' will go over better than saying, ``Why are you so mean?'' Blaming or attacking will only put the other person on the defensive. Phrasing your question in a more nonthreatening and reasoning way may allow the teacher to relax and listen. Come prepared with examples of recent misunderstandings rather than just sweeping generalizations. In the end, you'll probably find that a little bit of honest conversation can go a long way.

If the teacher does not respond to your appeal, however, ask your guidance counselor to get involved. The guidance counselor could arrange to meet with you and the teacher or the teacher alone. If no solutions result from the meeting, go directly to the principal. He or she should talk to the teacher and help resolve the problem. If none of these steps works, then you may have to ask your parents to step in. But it makes more of an impact if your feelings - not your parents' - are reflected.

The most important thing to remember is that this is your education and your life. You have the right to demand respect and fairness as long as you're sure to give the teacher the same. You never know - the teacher you initially hated may one day become your favorite. Even if you never get beyond the loathing stage, you'll learn something about hanging tough in adversity, and in the end, no class lasts forever. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a senior at Norfolk Academy and Jonathan Kolm

is a senior at Tallwood High in Virginia Beach. Their column appears

biweekly in Teenology. They accept questions on Infoline. Call 640-5555

and enter category 8335. Or write to them at The Virginian-Pilot, 4565

Virginia Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va. 23462 by CNB