THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, November 5, 1994 TAG: 9411040097
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E8 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Issues of Faith
SOURCE: Betsy Mathews Wright
LENGTH: Medium: 87 lines
THE LETTER WAS a heart-stopper. In two pages, a young woman raised questions that cut to the core of God, religion and that mysterious thing called faith.
Why should anyone believe in God? Why does God allow evil? How do you explain evil and suffering to a child? How do you find faith when you have no faith?
``I hope you have some insight for me,'' she wrote.
As a child, this young woman was sexually abused by her grandfather for 18 months. The abuse only ended with his death. (For the obvious reasons, I've agreed not to print her name.)
``I believed in God and Jesus with all my childish heart and soul. They were my Heavenly Father and my protector, but when I soulfully called upon them during the abuse, nothing happened. I was not delivered from evil. The bad man was not struck down. There was no comforting communication from above. I felt abandoned. I begged, I pleaded, I prayed and I trusted with all the faith that only a child can have. And my god (intentional little ``g'') let me down. . . . My trust was broken, my faith shattered.
``How is a child to understand?''
The woman went on to detail how she had suffered since the abuse.
``I am a fragmented person. (It's) like having multiple personalities, only I am a collection of selves, at different ages, locked in time at different moments of trauma.''
She has been in therapy for two years. Though she considers her true self to be an atheist, she has also sought religious counseling since some of her ``selves'' still believe in God.
Many people have given her answers to her questions, but the answers always seem to conflict.
``I have been told that god is not responsible for what happened to me; that my grandfather was acting on his free will, given to us all in the Garden of Eden. . . . (But if) god is all-powerful, couldn't he have stopped it if he wanted to? There's the thought that if god gets the glory for the good stuff, then he should get the heat for the bad stuff.''
She's been told by one minister that God does not physically intervene in our lives and by another that he does. Her reaction: ``I wish you people would get your stories straight!''
So do I.
Unfortunately many people hate admitting that sometimes there just are no answers. Instead of just listening to the person with the problem and honestly saying ``I don't know,'' we come up with a quick fix.
Unfortunately, people of faith are often the worst of the bunch. We presume to know and try to tell others why God does this or that.
``Tell 'em anything. Tell 'em something. That will do the trick.''
It's a lie.
I believe there are things we can never know about God. I believe we can never know why God allows evil. I believe we can never know why innocent children suffer. I believe we can never know why bad things happen to good people. I believe these mysteries of life are like the Temple veil that separates holy from human.
I also believe there is much we can know about God.
I know that God can heal even the most shattered life. I know that God can give us a peace about our tragedies that goes beyond our human understanding. I know that God can move us from a place of tears to a place of joy without ever answering the question ``why?''
How do I know these things? I, too, have had tragedy. I, too, have lost my faith. I, too, have allowed bitterness and hate to grow inside my heart.
It was getting me nowhere. My life was in a holding pattern of doubt.
Then I heard the phrase that would change my life: ``Snap out of it.''
It was as if God had slapped me silly with those four little words. Suddenly I realized that life is not about getting answers. Life is about getting on with life.
I know this is simplistic. I also know, young woman, that it might not help you. But as a human, all I've got is my personal story.
And that story tells me that even though I gave up on God, he never let go of me. It was only when I was ready to move on and get back to God's plan for my life that I was able to move on and get back to God's plan for my life.
I pray that time has come for you. MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510; call (804) 446-2273; FAX
(804) 436-2798; or send computer message via bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline
is Tuesday prior to publication. Must include name, city and phone
number. by CNB