THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, November 18, 1994 TAG: 9411170062
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E13 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: LISTEN UP!
LENGTH: Medium: 52 lines
DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN:
What do you do when you move to a new country and everybody makes fun of your accent and how you look? - New Kid in Town
Dear New Kid,
You are dealing with two things here: your moving to a new country and the fact that you do not feel welcome or accepted. Either of these would be hard enough to deal with; the combination is really tough. You must feel angry and lonely.
Many people (like many of the ones surrounding you) are uncomfortable with things that are unfamiliar to them, and their discomfort is sometimes expressed in hurtful ways. They might or might not be aware of the impact their comments have on you. Look around and you will probably find that not ``everybody'' is hostile to you; in fact, there are probably many people out there who would love to get to know you.
If you are not already doing so, try to get involved in extracurricular activities that interest you. The time spent in these activities will allow you to get to know others better and vice-versa. The more your classmates know you as a person, the less they will have the need to pass judgments based on your accent or personal appearance.
If their comments continue and you find them hard to ignore, you may want to be completely candid and directly confront them. Try to calmly explain to them that their comments hurt you. Your honesty may surprise them. If you do not want to do it by yourself, get a trusted friend or teacher to accompany you. We know that this won't be easy, but your maturity is needed to compensate for their imma-turity.
Remember that although you do not have direct control of another's behavior, you do have control over how their behavior affects you. Stay away from those you find obnoxious and spend as much time as you can with those you feel comfortable with. Often just talking through your feelings with someone you trust can make you feel better. Take it one day at a time.
Most of all, hold your head high and be proud of everything that makes you a distinct human being. People won't feel comfortable around you unless you are comfortable with yourself. By the way - we thought your accent was simply beautiful. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a senior at Norfolk Academy and Jonathan Kolm is
a senior at Tallwood High. Their column appears biweekly in Teenology.
They accept questions on INFOLINE. Call 640-5555 and enter category
8335. Or write to them at 4565 Virginia Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va.
23462. by CNB