THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, November 27, 1994 TAG: 9411270183
SECTION: SPORTS PAGE: C3 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Bob Molinaro
LENGTH: Medium: 75 lines
Dreary, dreadful, dead-on-arrival games like the one today between the Giants and Redskins, are becoming a staple of the NFL season.
Indianapolis at Cincinnati. The L.A. Rams at Tampa Bay. The Saints at the Raiders. The Jets at the Patriots. The Colts at the Seahawks.
Houston anywhere.
This is entertainment?
But the schedule is only part of the problem with pro football.
In this 75th season of the NFL, there are no less than 75 other things about the game I could do without.
8-8 playoff teams.
Paul Tagliabue. The Cincinnati Bengals' helmets. Throwback uniforms.
Cheap shots on quarterbacks.
Artificial turf. Plastic knees. Phony concern for the ticket buyer.
Pass receiving gloves. Tackling gloves. Kicking gloves. Coaching gloves.
12-6 final score.
Game announcers promoting network sitcoms. Television timeouts after punts.
The second-and-8 running play.
Losing players hiding in the trainer's room.
Hog snouts.
``I won't know until I look at the film.''
``One or two plays and this could have been a different game.''
``Did they cover?''
Droning Dan Dierdorf. Boring Monday night games.
Jack Kent Cooke searching for a stadium site. Desmond Howard searching for an open spot on the field.
A radio receiver in the quarterback's helmet. Celebrities in the owner's box.
Prevent defenses. Cheerleaders who dress like strippers.
Preseason games at real season prices.
Spearing.
Concussions.
Trash talking. Sack dances. End zone gyrations.
Al Davis.
Dome ball. Buddy ball.
Offenses that take what the defense gives them.
Kickoffs that go out of bounds. Punts that roll into the end zone.
Turf toe. Hip pointer. Stinger. ACL.
Andre Rison's attitude.
Quarterbacks who slide to a stop. Overtimes that end with a field goal.
Charlie Casserly's draft picks. Run-and-shoot.
Arizona in the East. Atlanta in the West. Buffalo in the Super Bowl.
The two-minute warning. Three-and-a-half hour games.
Jerry Jones' vanity.
Jimmy Johnson's bionic hair.
Quarterback ratings. Fair catches.
The over-and-under.
Roman numerals for the Super Bowl.
Steroids.
The mediocrity of the AFC.
The All-Pro Game.
Situation players. Expansion era players.
Players being carted off the field.
Holding penalties. Chucking penalties. Offsetting penalties. Phantom penalties.
Rookie quarterbacks learning on the job.
Special teams coaches in need of medication.
Baffled officials.
Offensive linemen who can't see their feet.
Happy 75th, NFL. by CNB