THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, December 13, 1994 TAG: 9412130050
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DENISE WATSON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 195 lines
CHECK ONE: black, white, Hispanic, Asian, other.
Easy question? Not for Barbara Stikkel and her three siblings, who are a mixture of their white father and their Puerto Rican mother. Or Alexis Smith of Chesapeake, whose father is black and mother is Japanese. Or millions of Americans who don't fit into any of the boxes but are often forced to choose.
``What is other? It sounds very derogatory to me, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me, like I'm some leftover mismatched sock or something,'' says Smith, 22, of Chesapeake. ``But when you look at the forms, that's the only choice I have.''
Interracial marriages have more than tripled since 1967, when it became legal in all 50 states for whites and minorities to marry. Families have learned to deal with the raised eyebrows and outright hatred directed their way.
Consider the adversity that still exists:
A 20-year battle to get a ``multiracial'' category added to the census and other federal forms continues.
The latest T-shirt to emerge from the O.J. Simpson murder trial melee has Simpson's mug surrounded by the words, ``Take It From Me. Leave Those White Women Alone.''
Earlier this year, an Alabama school principal made national headlines when he threatened to cancel the prom if interracial couples attended. When a biracial student asked how the rule applied to her, the Randolph County High School principal reportedly told her the rule was to prevent ``mistakes'' like her.
``That's very frightening and really quite disturbing when you hear something like that and you realize we haven't progressed that much,'' said Patricia Johnson, a California psychotherapist.
``The problem isn't because the child is biracial but because society is so rigid in its racial boundaries,'' she said.
Yet many interracial families say they are stronger and richer because of their diversity.
``I feel, as a biracial person, I have choice, and it's certainly an advantage,'' said Jennifer Husbands, president of the multiethn ic/interracial student group at the University of Virginia.
``I think I'm less prone to stereotyping. Being biracial, it would be unnatural for me not to want to associate with all types of people. . . . People ask would I rather be one race as opposed to biracial, I say no.''
Leigh Ann Harcum, who is white, met her first husband while attending high school. The straight-A Cradock student was very popular - until she started dating one of her black friends.
``When my boyfriend was white, everything was OK. It was OK to have black girlfriends, but when I started dating someone black . . . ,'' Harcum's voice trailed off as she shook her head. ``I dropped out of school my senior year because my friends turned against me.''
Harcum completed her requirements in night school and got married in 1982 - against the wishes of both families. The in-laws became more accepting with the birth of Skyy, now 9, and Monique, 6. The couple divorced in 1991. Harcum recently remarried into another interracial relationship and has a 20-month-old son, Kevin.
Harcum says one of her toughest jobs as a parent is helping her children deal with public reaction. Her daughter's long, full hair is often braided because the children chant ``white girl'' when Monique wears it loose. Skyy, who looks more like his father, used to get teased when children saw him with his mother.
``When Skyy was in the first grade, kids would see me and ask him, `Is that your momma?' He had a hard time because he didn't know how to answer it,'' Harcum said.
``He would get angry and I'd try to make him understand that they didn't understand. He didn't know if he had to act black or white. He thought he had to choose. I told him to do whatever he wanted.''
Monique still wears her hair in braids but says she's very comfortable with herself and her family.
``My grandmother would tell me to ignore things that bother me and I do,'' she said. ``When I went to summer camp last year, people asked what I was, and I told them my mother's white, my father's black and I am mixed.''
It took several years for Chad Smith, 17, to become comfortable with the complexion and features he inherited from his white mother and black father.
``People ask me what color I would like to be,'' Chad said with teenage timidity. ``I tell them neither. I prefer to be me.''
But his mother, Connie, remembers times when her son would get into fights because boys on the bus called him ``zebra'' or the time he filled out school forms and listed himself as being Puerto Rican.
``When Chad was in the first grade, he was really concerned about being the only interracial child in the school and felt really isolated,'' said Connie Smith, who lives in Norfolk. ``Luckily, he had a teacher who recognized this, and she took him around the school and introduced him to other children who were also biracial.''
Connie Smith, a second-grade teacher in Portsmouth, voices the concerns of interracial families. In 1987, she helped form the Interracial Connection, a network for interracial families and families that have adopted biracial children.
``We're not a support group. People think we get together and moan and groan, but we don't,'' Smith said. ``It's more of a social gathering, where our kids can get together and see other parents who look like their parents.
``It's the only place where you can go and belong.''
Smith's organization also hopes to educate the public and dispel myths about interracial couples: that their children are plagued with lifelong emotional problems, that divorce rates are much higher among interracial couples, which statistics prove is untrue. One of the biggest myths, which was depicted in the 1991 film ``Jungle Fever,'' is that people of different races date because of curiosity, not love.
``Art and I worked together on the base, and one night we went to a birthday party. I had always been attracted to him because he was so quiet,'' Smith said. ``He asked me to dance, and after that we just clicked.''
Smith says that she hasn't had many problems dating interracially. There have been a few stares and a couple of sisters who asked, ``What's wrong, can't find a nice white guy?''
Most of her concerns are for her children, Chad and 13-month-old Kamryn.
``I have to tell Chad that even though you are what you are, society is going to identify you with being a black male, and you need to know what to expect,'' Smith said. ``And he's been stopped by the police several times when he's just walking down the street; he's been searched for no reason. But Kamryn looks white, and I know she won't have half the problems that her brother has had.''
Pat and Zenaida Stikkel have had their share of troubles since they married 17 years ago, including going out together and people assuming they aren't a couple, people calling her children ``oreos,'' and those damned census forms.
``One year we list them as being white, the next we list them as being Hispanic,'' Zenaida said. ``It's sad that you have to choose, because it's denying half of who you are. When they are both, why can't they be both?''
The Stikkels live in Virginia Beach, and Pat had hoped to move his family to Roanoke, but he says he might abandon the idea.
``There aren't as many Hispanic people or other minorities out there; I don't think they'll be as accepting,'' he said.
But the Stikkels are trying to change the system. Their oldest daughter, Barbara, worked with a petition drive to have a multiracial category added to school forms when she attended Landstown Middle School. The drive wasn't successful.
She and her boyfriend, who is black, recently had a child, and she made sure his birth certificate was inclusive. They listed DaiShawn as being black, white and Puerto Rican.
Zenaida Stikkel says claiming your total racial makeup when possible is an affirmative stance that all interracial couples need to take.
``When I married, people would ask, `What about the children?' You know they won't be accepted by either side of the family. . . . When Barbara was dating, neighbors would come up to me and ask, `Why do you let her date black guys?' But she's biracial. Why not, why can't she?'' Stikkel said.
``When I married my husband, I didn't say, `I'll marry him because of his blond hair or his hazel eyes.' I married him because I loved him. I'm happily married, I have beautiful children and we don't see the physical differences others see. . . . It would be wonderful if others could see it that way.'' ILLUSTRATION: MARTIN SMITH-RODDEN/ [Color] Staff photos
ABOVE: Gordon and Staci Worthington, with son Blair, say they have
seldom encountered problems as an interracial couple.
Leigh Anne Harcum says one of her toughest jobs as a parent is
helping her children, from left, Skyy, 9; Monique, 6; and Kevin, 20
months, deal with public reactions.
ADVICE: How parents can help interracial kids
Patricia Johnson, California psychotherapist who specializes in
biracial issues and working with interracial families, suggests:
1. Validating your child's awareness and reality of being (more
often than not) a different shade than both mom and dad.
2. Discussing openly and honestly these differences and that the
child is still a part of and loved by both parents.
3. Praising the child on his unique multiracial identity
4. In simple terms, explaining to your child that other children
may or may not accept the fact that he has parents that are two
different colors, but emphasizing that it is OK and natural to be
different and to have parents of different colors.
5. Letting your child know that he bears legitimate claim to both
races
6. Letting your child know that it is not a choice to be biracial
and that he does not have to make a choice or choose one or the
other.
7. If and when possible, exposing the child to both sides of his
extended family
8. Exposing your biracial child to positive biracial role models
9. Parents need to openly and honestly discuss their own racial,
ethnic and cultural beliefs and values with each other.
TIPS FOR HELPING BIRACIAL KIDS
Suggestions from parents of biracial children:
Ask your child's teachers how they feel about biracial children
and how they handle racial incidents if they occur. Both parents
should go in so that the teachers can see that the both of you are
there and want to be active.
Inform the teacher of the racial designation that you or your
child prefer and insist that it's used.
Make sure your school library has books with/about interracial
families and multicultural themes.
It might be helpful for biracial students to attend integrated
schools and live in integrated neighborhoods
Recommended sources:
The Interracial Connection, Connie Smith at 622-9260,
Biracial Child and Interrace magazine, 404-364-9690.
New People magazine (810) 541-6943
by CNB