THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, December 19, 1994 TAG: 9412190040
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Guy Friddell
LENGTH: Medium: 65 lines
NASA has asked our astronauts to do the impossible.
The next time they fly in the space shuttle, three of them will spend 18 hours taste-testing Coca-Colas.
It smacks of being a grand commercial of the faddish sort in which passers-by were asked to pause and taste a variety of brands of colas.
They chose invariably the one being advertised and then went into shock: ``GO ON! DID I REALLY PICK THAT ONE!''
Their feigned amazement irked me no end.
``YES YOU DID, YOU NINNY!'' I bellowed back at the screen, ``AND IT'S NO WONDER AFTER A DAY AND A HALF REHEARSING WITH CUE CARDS! DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A GULLIBLE PEA-BRAINED GOONEY BIRD?''
Apparently they did.
Those skits insulted what little intelligence the viewing public possesses.
But when taste tests are valid, they are bewildering. I doubt 10 percent of those tested could pass.
With easy arrogance, I once took an impromptu version of a test.
Nobody was going to fool me, I figured. If there is one thing I can do, it is taste things. ``Blindfold me,'' I said. ``Bring 'em on!''
The newspaper's librarians, an alert, sophisticated set, opened bottles of Coca-Cola, Pepsi Cola, and Royal Crown Cola. Their absurd notion that I couldn't ace such a test made me laugh.
``Are you all saying I can't identify the sharp taste of Coke; the blander, sweeter Pepsi; and the heavier taste of Royal Crown? Nonsense! I grew up with that trio.''
Yes, they said, they were.
So they blindfolded me and handed me little paper cups, one after the other, full of cola.
I discovered quickly that I was at sea when it came to distinguishing one cola drink from another.
I couldn't even spot the RC. Nor differentiate the diet and regular varieties.
The tests for the astronauts will be infinitely more complex than just assaying flavors.
After setting up and turning on the mixing machine aboard the spacecraft, the three will swig away and grade the sodas on carbonation, sweetness, tartness and flavor.
Knowing that most things taste sweeter in space, Coke may develop a better drink for space flight, a Coke spokesman said.
The test also may help Coke create special drinks for the elderly because low gravity simulates what age does to human taste buds.
The experiment will show how fluid and carbonated water can be mixed for nonsoda uses, such as watering hydroponic plants so they will grow faster.
Coke spent $750,000 to develop the test. The vending machine will show the flowing red-and-white company logos.
The Goodyear advertising blimp will be a wimp compared to the Coke machine in space.
The tests will turn our astronauts into soda jerks. ILLUSTRATION: Color drawing by John Corbitt, Staff
by CNB