THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, January 4, 1995 TAG: 9412310096
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: LAWRENCE MADDRY
LENGTH: Medium: 62 lines
Some things I'd like to - but never expect to - see during 1995:
* Rush Limbaugh lightening up a little.
* Irvine Hill, the neighborly and likeable host on Cox Cable Channel 11 - who already has a zillion trophies - getting a plaque of appreciation so large that it has to be carted away with a forklift.
* Gov. Allen inviting a few welfare recipients who are not deadbeats into the governor's mansion where he cooks a meal for them.
* A drive-through dog wash the way it's done for cars.
* Norfolk's Mayor Paul Fraim with a dreadlock toupee.
* A farmer's market for both the Norfolk and Virginia Beach business sections where you could buy fresh produce.
* Recognition of Kinky Friedman as a great writer and great American. Kinky is a former musician who toured the Lone Star State with a band called the Texas Jewboys. He campaigned for a minor office in Texas by promising to change the speed limit from 60 to 59.95. A first-rate writer, he is the author of the most shamelessly titled books ever to be sold in the U.S.: ``Jesus, Sex, and Coca-Cola.''
* A flotilla of church-operated riverboat bingo parlors for the Elizabeth River.
* Popeye the Sailor hired as a replacement for Rip Tide as the mascot in Harbor Park.
* Enterprising Outer Banks Brew-Thru operator announces opening of Brew and Q Thru, selling beer and barbecue at the same time.
* Pete Decker donning monk's robe and making the list of top ten albums with his renditions of Gregorian chants.
* An Archie McPhee outlet - famous for fighting nun finger puppets, rubber hearts and kidneys suitable for dropping into punch bowls, etc. - announced for MacArthur Square.
* Larry King announcing that Big Bird and Newt Gingrich will go toe-to-toe for three rounds live on his next show.
* 60 Minutes does television interview with woman who not only didn't know O.J. was a football star but had no idea he had been arrested.
* A Nike commercial in which the Easter Bunny beats the beegebus out of Dennis Rodman. (Remember the one in which the basketball player roughed up Santa Claus?. You don't? Gee, sorry I brought it up.)
* Impressed by singer Sonny Bono's easy win of a seat in Congress, Rep. Owen Pickett annouces his resignation to become a pop singer.
* Virginia Beach's Mayor Meyera Orberndorff announces a successor to the Dixie Stampede: The Tonya Harding Olympic Skating Rink. by CNB