THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Thursday, January 12, 1995 TAG: 9501110076
SECTION: NORFOLK COMPASS PAGE: 15 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY STEPHANIE EARNEST, HIGH SCHOOL CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 81 lines
One might think mothers of teenage girls don't have a hard job at all. In fact, it's easy. After all, they were teenage girls themselves.
It's hardly that simple.
Being a mom is tougher than many people realize, especially for moms of teenage girls. Because they were once teenagers, they know the issues and decisions that young women are faced with.
Mothers want to protect their daughters and guide them into making the right choices. This can cause friction when girls think their mothers are being overbearing. But some daughters realize that their moms are just looking out for them.
``We have a good relationship,'' Laura Reese said of her relationship with her adopted daughter, Nicki. ``I feel that Nicki could come and talk to me about anything, and I would try my best to support her.''
Nicki, 16, a Granby High junior, feels the same way but is more cautious about discussing problems than her mother realizes. Nicki says that she can go to her mom ``about some things but not everything. It depends on the problem.''
Even in strong relationships, the rule seems to be it's OK to go to mom with just about anything. Mom, the girls said, can usually help.
Karen Phillips, 17, a Catholic High senior, describes her relationship with her mom as very open. She could go to her on just about anything, but some problems might take longer than others to divulge.
``If it were a major problem, for example pregnancy, I could go to her, but it would take awhile, only because I'd be afraid of disappointing her,'' Karen said.
Karen believes that a good mother-daughter relationship is very important, but she has noticed that younger girls are more reluctant to confide in their mothers and often turn to friends for help.
``Friends are good to talk to, but Mom gives the best advice,'' Karen said.
But what is a mom supposed to be? A teacher? An adviser? An authority figure?
Katy Harris, 16, a junior at Catholic High, says none of the above.
``I don't even look at her as my mom'' when she goes to her with a problem, Katy said. ``I look at her as my friend.''
Katy's mom, Sue, said this makes the relationship strong. And Katy thinks that her relationship with her mom is better than many girls her age who view their mothers as authority figures.
But Katy's younger sister Nikki, 15, a sophomore at Catholic, has a different relationship with her mom. She said that her mom would support her on most things but finds it harder to go to her about problems. She has a tendency to approach friends first.
Mother-daughter relationships often get more complex when there is more than one daughter. There are a lot of differences in Nikki's relationship with her mom and her sister's.
Nikki feels that her mom, Sue, often sides with Katy and that she is stricter with her because she is younger. Sue acknowledges this, saying, ``Everyone is different and should be treated different.''
Relationships between mothers and daughters are important but can be difficult to develop. Those who have them say the foundation of a good mother-daughter relationship is trust, on both sides. Daughters must trust their mothers enough to confide in them; mothers must trust their daughters enough to let them make their own choices.
``As long as you maintain an honest, trusting relationship,'' Laura Reese said, ``you will just become closer.'' MEMO: Stephanie Earnest is a Catholic High senior who lives in Norfolk. ILLUSTRATION: Photo
Stephanie Earnest
Graphic
TEENS & THEIR FAMILIES
40 percent of teenagers say their parents are sometimes or often
unavailable to them.
Only 3 percent prefer the company of their family to that of
their friends.
Source: CBS News and New York Times nationwide poll of teens.
by CNB