THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, January 15, 1995 TAG: 9501160182
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A4 EDITION: FINAL
SERIES: THE SUBJECT IS SEX
LENGTH: Medium: 83 lines
Margie and Jim Sullivan
A Victorian father and a proper Boston mother, said Margie Sullivan, meant that sex was not discussed at home.
Long deployments at sea, said Jim Sullivan, meant trying to prove your manhood and regaining your family role when you got home.
Not a recipe for success. But the Sullivans have been married for 28 years.
Jim says he followed his parents' example of affection, but not until adulthood did he understand the sexual innuendo behind the playful slaps he, as a child, had seen his father land on his mother's rear.
``At the time, I didn't have any idea what was going on, but my memories now serve me well in terms of their appreciation for intimacy.''
The Sullivans tried to be more open with their own children in discussing sex. Now, in a mature relationship, they are open with each other.
``One of the things that has enabled us to stay together and achieve 28 years of marriage is a sense of humor,'' Margie said. ``We laugh a lot more than we fuss, and we can find the ridiculous in most situations, including sex.''
- Diane Tennant
Mark Bold
Mark Bold was on his own at 14, a runaway from a Massachusetts home where he was the target of his stepfather's abusive rages.
He landed in Tampa, Fla. With the help of fake ID's, he started hitting the nightclubs, and honed his style for picking up women.
Sex came fast and furious.
One-night stands were typical. He didn't want anyone to get too close, or learn too much about him. ``Most people who know me, don't know a lot about me,'' said Bold, 26. ``I like that.''
He knew a lot about technique, but not about the emotional side of relationships. At 18, he got a girl pregnant. She had an abortion and told him after it was done.
``I was ready to go to bed with her right then, right after that,'' he said. ``I didn't even know what she'd been through.''
Today, though, the sex isn't enough. Bold is looking for something, even if he's not quite sure what it is.
He wants some counseling about how to develop emotional intimacy with women.
``As far as sex, it doesn't mean that much to me. I'm kind of bored with it. If I'm with someone I care for, it's different.''
- Esther Diskin
Augustus Garrett
Augustus Garrett is into everything. President of Lake Taylor High School's Student Council Association. President of the Chess Club. Football. Wrestling. Eighteen activities in all, by his count.
Keeping busy helps him stick to his vow: He'll remain a virgin until . . . he's good and ready for sex. He's 18 now, and figures it may be five, 10 years before it happens.
There are things Garrett wants before he gets wrapped up in a sexual relationship. A steady job. His own apartment. His own car. A girlfriend he can trust and with whom he can share his deepest thoughts. ``I want it to be as near perfect as it can be,'' he said.
He's seen a cousin who died from AIDS. He once had to warn his mother's boyfriend about shoving her around. He knows too many teenagers who have kids.
All of which makes him think he's wise to wait, even if he has to put up with some nasty cracks from classmates. He doesn't keep his decision a secret. ``Virgin - it's like a bad word,'' he said. ``I say it's not. People shouldn't feel pressured.''
Sometimes, he's gotten very, very close to having sex. When that happens, he says, he becomes a different person. ``He's a bad guy. I don't want him to come out just yet.''
- Esther Diskin ILLUSTRATION: Staff photos by TAMARA VONINSKI
KEYWORDS: SEXUALITY by CNB