THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, January 25, 1995 TAG: 9501250412
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: GUY FRIDDELL
LENGTH: Medium: 69 lines
A story spread across the top of the front page of USA Today proclaimed Brad Pitt to be ``Hollywood's latest happening hunk.''
That phrase happening hunk is startling. A hunk is ,to many women, a gorgeous creature of a man, a hunk of six-layer chocolate cake.
It used to be called beefcake.
The word happening suggests the hunk is evolving before our eyes.
What's the next phase of the metamorphosis?
Does hunk undergo a declension?
Does a hunk become a chunk? A clunk? And at last, alas, a clutz?
Not Brad Pitt.
He's downright handsome.
When he hove onto the set of a TV morning show, the camera caught the hostess shading her eyes with her hand to get a closer look at the approaching hunk-happening.
Just now he's in ``Legends of the Fall,'' a film about three brothers in love with the same woman.
No need to see it. Women tell you all about it.
In the fade-out, he is hugged to pieces by - oh, ye gods, I almost gave away the ending!
Should his audience tire of him, he could always start over.
Just get a haircut.
It's all straggly now, as if he is peering through vines. A blond Tarzan.
When I said as much to a bright young woman, an editor, she said: ``He's not doing it on your account.''
Dismissing my view.
Listen, I know more about women than do women themselves.
On a scant few matters. Generally they're a mystery. Ineluctable.
Sometimes they are victims of fashion, fooling themselves into thinking they like men with long hair.
This notion took root in the 1960s when men began going without haircuts as a badge of independence from their fathers whose eternal advice was couched in three words: ``Get a haircut.''
So they refused, like Samson, and as an additional slap at authority many grew beards.
To go among them was to feel like Stanley looking through the brush for Livingstone.
That hirsute outbreak had a leveling influence. Everybody looked alike - a boon to those of us who were homely.
It was a time of rejoicing for ordinary menfolk who found themselves in favor with women.
You still see it with rock stars, some of whom appear to be Neanderthals escaped from a time warp. Yet they are idolized.
With some, long hair also masks a lack of talent.
What surprises me is that the Brads of this world handicap their own good looks. Can you imagine Cary Grant becoming run-of-the-mill by hiding his allure under hair.
Or John Wayne in curly locks.
A daughter-in-law, Barbara, says Brad affects long hair to add mystique to ``mainstream handsome'' features.
When Brad gets a haircut, that morning show hostess will have to use a piece of blue bottle glass to bear his unadorned good looks. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
Brad Pitt, here in all his unshorn hunkedness, could elevate his
happening quotient by getting a decent haircut.
by CNB