THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Thursday, January 26, 1995 TAG: 9501260045
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E3 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: BOOK REVIEW
SOURCE: BY LENORE HART
LENGTH: Medium: 93 lines
RECENTLY I watched preschool girls playing together while three boys seemed noisily intent on demolishing toys and each other. When an older girl showed similar behavior, her mother admonished, ``No one will want to play with you if you don't act nice.'' The boys ran on unchecked.
It reminded me of ``difference feminism,'' a philosophy labeling so-called ``feminine'' qualities - nurturing, intuition, emotionality, desire for attachment, listening rather than speaking up - as superior behavior. It's an uneasy stew of conflicting ideas spiced by the notion that women deserve equality at home and work not because they're human beings but because they are somehow more moral and basically nicer than men.
Deborah Tannen's work is sometimes linked with difference feminism. Maybe that's why her latest, ``Talking From Nine to Five: How Women's and Men's Conversational Styles Affect Who Gets Heard, Who Gets Credit, and What Gets Done at Work'' (Wm. Morrow, $23), reiterates: ``There are those who hear any reference to differences as implying that they result from biology, and there are those who regard any hint of a biological basis for differences as demonic. This is understandable, because so many foolish things have been said in the past - by experts as well as lay people - about the biological basis of sex differences . . . to explain why women should be held back . . . (but) it will not improve our situation to forbid discussion of differences as they are observed. To say that men and women speak in different ways in this culture and in this time does not mean they must go on speaking that way, or that biology is destiny.''
Tannen tackled workplace communication after executives expressed concern about the ``glass ceiling'' limiting levels to which women were being promoted. She quotes assorted sociolinguists, but her research is the meat of this book. Fortunately, she has a straightforward, anecdotal style that makes tolerable reading of a potentially dull treatise.
One point made is that men, too, can be deferential, quiet, unassuming - qualities that don't often get positive recognition at work. But women carry additional handicaps. Men wear suits as a standard uniform while women are ``marked'' by clothing styles (severe, sexy, drab). The workplace was originally designed for the aggressive ``one-up'' behavior learned by boys at play; thus an adult is expected to call attention to his achievements at work, much like a boastful boy. His success may depend on winning this constant struggle to be ``one up'' on the other guy.
But women are usually reluctant to call attention to achievements, having been socialized since early childhood to downplay, act modest, blend in, support and give approval to the group. Thus they're doomed to be constantly ``one down'' in interactions with male co-workers. A reticent man may assume aggressive behavior and be welcomed into the pack, rewarded by promotion. A woman attempting to join in rough talk and boasting will be perceived negatively by male and female co-workers. Instead of being accepted, she's likely to be ostracized, disliked, earning epithets like ``castrating bitch.''
Businesses should consider making ``Talking Nine to Five'' required reading, because failed communication not only handicaps individuals but can also cause valuable, verbally reticent employees to be let go while smooth-talking incompetents who pirated their ideas hang on like remoras.
Other valuable insights include: why good ideas are often ignored in meetings; how misunderstanding affects co-workers; why certain personality types are underappreciated and unpromoted. Tannen explains why women feel threatened by certain language styles employed by men and why those men are astonished or angered at being perceived as harassers.
Tannen sometimes strays from the language theme, but the detours are interesting. She gives only an occasional nod to the effects of ethnicity on speech differences and also fails to point out that much of the behavior attributed to women - e.g., a focus more on personal relationships than on career advancement; submissive, deferential behavior; emotional decision-making rather than logical thinking - is also observed in the economically disadvantaged of both sexes. Obviously, Tannen's research is based on white middle-class subjects, though that's not the composition of many American workplaces.
In a final caveat, Tannen insists she's not telling anyone how they ``ought'' to speak; conversational variations are simply that - a matter of style. Yet, though she urges respect for different styles, ``Talking Nine to Five'' implies that women in authority should elicit cooperation by assuming a deferential, sympathetic attitude rather than a no-nonsense, aggressive approach. That places the burden of ``getting along'' squarely on their shoulders, even as it lets men off the hook. Clearly, playground dynamics die hard. MEMO: Lenore Hart, author of the novel ``Black River,'' lives on the Eastern
Shore.
ILLUSTRATION: THE BALTIMORE SUN photo
Deborah Tannen explored men's and women's conversational styles in
the workplace.
by CNB