THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, January 27, 1995 TAG: 9501260059
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: LISTEN UP!
LENGTH: Medium: 53 lines
DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN,
I have a friend who my family and friends hate. They think that she is nothing but trouble, and they put her down all the time. She is truly one of my best friends, but all of my other ``friends'' ignore me when I'm around her. I've tried to spend equal time with both parities and talk to them about it too, but it just doesn't help. What can I do? - Torn
Dear Torn,
Your frustration is understandable. Finding a true friend who you can relate to and trust isn't easy. When you find someone like that, the last thing you want is people telling you that she's no good. Ultimately, when it comes to choosing friends, the opinion that matters most is yours.
The problem is that sometimes you may become so blinded by your feelings that you are not able to see what's wrong. That's where other people can be helpful. They see it from the outside, more objectively, and they can help you see things you can't. So it might be wise to consider what others are saying, even if you feel that they are wrong.
If both your friends and your family don't like your friend, maybe there's something going on that deserves a harder look. What caused people to form these opinions? Is it something superficial like how she dresses or talks, or is it something more serious? Does she lie or cut school? If she does have a problem, does it affect you? Could it be that your family and friends are worried that she may be leading you in a wrong direction? Most of all, are they just judging your friend, or are they truly concerned about you?
If what they say is valid, knowing about it could actually improve your relationship with your friend: It might help you help her. On the other hand, if you realize it's everyone else and not your friend who is out of line, then your friendship will be reaffirmed.
No matter what you do, be sure to keep the lines of communication open with everyone in your life. Try not to alienate them. Just tell them what you told us: She is a great friend, and you realize she's not perfect, but her problems, if she has any, don't cause you any trouble.
Finally let them know you won't see her when they are around if that's what they want, but you would appreciate it if they wouldn't bad-mouth her in front of you. In the long run, if she is a great person, they will understand and maybe even learn to accept her. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a senior at Norfolk Academy. Jonathan Kolm is a
senior at Tallwood High. Their column appears biweekly in Teenology.
They accept questions on INFOLINE. Call 640-5555 and enter category
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23462. by CNB