THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT 
              Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Saturday, January 28, 1995             TAG: 9501270002
SECTION: FRONT                    PAGE: A13  EDITION: FINAL 
SOURCE: George Hebert
                                             LENGTH: Short :   46 lines

TELEPHONE WIZARDRY REALLY A GOOD THING?

As uncomfortable as I once was when I had to talk to somebody's answering machine, my wife and I decided a while back that we needed one. We were acting in self-defense against the unwanted intrusions of telephoned sales pitches, particularly around mealtimes, which are the pitchmen's and pitchwomen's favorite.

I was finally getting used to leaving recorded messages and I figured that friends, relatives and others to whom we really wanted to talk had similarly become accustomed to the dial-and-record ritual and would not greatly mind a little bit of gadgetry between them and us.

Our neat new acquisition looked like a real whiz, promising to screen out commercial annoyances, and even adding assurance that we would get some communications we might have otherwise missed.

But something has recently occurred to me, and I suppose I'm a little slow on the uptake. Lots of others must have long ago perceived the same hazard.

I'm thinking about what can happen if my answering machine is operating full time, and somebody I want to talk to has his or her machine doing the same thing.

Machine-owner Jack calls machine-owner Joe, who returns the call to Jack's machine; Jack calls back and records; Joe calls back and records; Jack calls . chance to talk to anybody for real.

Of course, one way to avoid the possibility of such traps is to set aside periods during the day for answering calls personally, or to monitor the device and break in when you have a caller you want to hear from.

Another partial safeguard (it won't fit all situations) is to say whatever it is you want to communicate right in the recorded message itself, without any request for a return call.

Or maybe this, if you don't mind cop-outs: Should you ever slip into one of those telephonic ring-around-the-rosies, just chuckle and enjoy the joke of two people outsmarting themselves - maybe for all eternity. MEMO: Mr. Hebert is a former editor of The Ledger-Star.

by CNB