THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, January 28, 1995 TAG: 9501270552
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E7 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Issues of Faith
SOURCE: Betsy Wright
LENGTH: Medium: 87 lines
HOW DO YOU select a church, synagogue or house of worship?
``My husband and I are in the process of trying to find a new church,'' wrote Cindy Lawrence Evans of Virginia Beach. ``I would like to suggest this (topic) for a possible column. . . . I feel certain that my husband and I are not the only family among your readership who are searching for a new body of believers with which to worship and serve.''
You're right, Cindy. You're not alone. On any given weekend, I'd guess that hundreds of families in the Hampton Roads area are out trying to find a congregation that fits them. Before I found my own home church, Oak Grove United Methodist in Chesapeake, I ``church shopped'' for two years.
This week, I've offered my own hints for finding that special family of faith. Next week, I invite readers to offer more and to tell us what drew them to their particular congregation.
The first, and I believe the most important step, in your search is prayer. Pray for God to lead you to that special house of faith. Pray, too, for the wisdom to know when you've found that place.
Then swing into action. Before you visit, know what you're looking for. Involve the entire family in this process.
Identify your needs. If you have a 4-year-old, you might need a pre-school. An empty-nest couple may need a place with a marriage enrichment program. A college student has different needs than the widowed senior citizen.
Also, identify your spiritual needs. Do you want to be active and serve, or do you need to be nurtured? Do you need a moral challenge or do you seek to be comforted and uplifted? Do you need to learn more about Scripture or about social issues? Most places of worship accommodate all these needs, but it helps to figure out where you are in your spiritual life before you decide where it is you belong.
Identify your wants. What style of worship are you interested in: traditional, orthodox, modern and casual, charismatic? Do you like short homilies or long sermons? Traditional or contemporary music? Big congregation or small?
Identify your beliefs. Most houses of faith have a certain character based on the generally held beliefs of its congregants. If you are deeply conservative and love a traditional form of worship, you will probably not feel comfortable at a Unitarian church. Likewise, someone with strong liberal views and a non-traditional ``why-is-it-done-that-way?'' attitude probably wouldn't be comfortable in an Orthodox Jewish congregation.
Take time to think about your faith and your relationship with God. Consider the faith of your spouse and the feelings of your children. If you don't know what the different denominations believe, go to the library and get the book ``Religions of America'' by Leo Rosten. If you are Jewish but don't understand the different branches of your faith, ``To Life,'' a new book by Rabbi Harold Kushner, is an excellent resource.
Once you've identified your personal needs, wants and beliefs, you are almost ready to start visiting different congregations. First, however, you need to narrow down the field. Get references from friends, co-workers and family members.
Also, call several houses of worship and talk to the pastor, priest or rabbi. Ask them to send you information about their place of worship. Bear in mind that the friendliness of the person on the phone and their readiness to answer your questions is often a good indicator of how you will be received by the general congregation. If they seem resentful or indignant, ask yourself: Do I really want to worship with these people?
Church hop. Once you've selected about three to five potential congregations, visit, visit, visit. To be fair and to give yourself a true impression, visit the same place for several weekends in a row.
If you are outgoing, talk to the people in the pews. Let them know you are a visitor. This will give them a chance to tell you about their congregation. If you're shy, just relax and soak in the atmosphere. Observe how the people interact. Ask yourself how comfortable you are in this place.
Decide, but give yourself time. Choosing a house of worship is a lot like choosing a mate. Many factors make a good fit. Give yourself at least six months, if not a year or two to find your faith family. You might luck out and find ``love at first sight,'' but don't beat yourself up if that doesn't happen. Embrace the search process and see it as a time of spiritual growth. MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510; call (804) 446-2273; FAX
(804) 436-2798; or send computer message via bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline
is Tuesday prior to publication. Must include name, city and phone
number.
by CNB