THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, January 29, 1995 TAG: 9501290175
SECTION: SPORTS PAGE: C10 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY JIM DUCIBELLA, STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: MIAMI LENGTH: Medium: 93 lines
Sounds and sights from Super Bowl Week that I'm tired of hearing and seeing:
The NFL complaining about superficial media coverage. These are the same people who grant press credentials to The Comedy Channel, MTV and The Nashville Network.
Last time I checked, Walter Cronkite wasn't news director at any of these networks.
As for accredited foreign ``correspondents,'' a German television personality spent part of the Chargers' press hour Thursday trying to entice a player to spit water on a teammate.
Three times, Herr Television puffed his cheeks like a blowfish, then ``Pfffff,'' he'd exhale. This sent his camera crew into hysterics.
``Ese funny, yah?'' he finally asked the Charger.
Dwas funny, no, but what we deserve for allowing those Abbott and Costello films to leave the United States.
Cities whining that their team gets no respect. Retiring the Coach George Allen Paranoia-Strikes-Deep Trophy for its masterful performance this week is San Diego.
Daily, the Union-Tribune newspaper reprints perceived media slights from across the country, under the headline ``DissRespecting the Chargers.''
Thursday's unspeakably cruel and emotionally devastating blast was penned by a former Seattle columnist named Laura Vecsey. (WARNING: Parents with San Diego ties should screen this material before showing it to their children.)
``A public service announcement soon will be released alerting the Super Bowl television audience to the official snack foods. They won't be potato chips or Buffalo wings. This year, it's trail mix with tons of raisins, date shakes and fish tacos - just like the ones they serve at Jack Murphy Stadium, home of those powerhouse San Diego Chargers.''
Is nothing sacred?
How do San Diegans withstand such verbal abuse?
Have faith, you brave little people.
Eight in the Box - This is said to be the defensive strategy the 49ers will use to defuse Chargers running back Natrone Means. In addition to the four down linemen and three linebackers, a safety will move up from the secondary and position himself next to the others, all within 5 yards of the line of scrimmage.
The 49ers won't discusss it, but this box must be some kind of pliable. How do they do it? The fast-food folks have only gotten one guy, Jack, in the box. Me, I can't get eight guys in my den, let alone in any of the boxes we've got around the house.
Relentlessly, I sought information on this box everywhere I could. I even asked actor Dick van Patten, who'll play Bobby Ross in the upcoming biographical epic, if he understood the box and why the 49ers didn't put more people inside.
Van Patten replied, ``Eight is enough.''
Pushy Media Freeloaders - Earlier this week, someone from another newspaper came running over to me carrying a new coffee mug given him by the fast-food restaurant chain that is sponsoring the Super Bowl.
``Here, c'mon, take this,'' he said, trying to shove it inside a tiny unzipped portion of my tote bag.
I tried to tell him no, that I wasn't interested, but he insisted, jamming and jamming it at me until I finally screamed out in frustration at his attempt to violate my journalistic scruples:
``COULD YOU PLEASE AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL I MOVED MY SUPER BOWL PIN, BADGE, BOOK, PEN, PATCH, SPIRAL-BOUND POSTSEASON BOOKLET, KEYCHAIN AND DIANA ROSS PORCELAIN WINDUP DOLL SINGING ``ONE MOMENT IN TIME'' TO THE OTHER POCKET? BESIDES, I'M A BURGER KING GUY!''
Stunned at my outburst, you could see the muscles in his neck tighten. Chastised, he raced off in the opposite direction, presumably looking for the Official Super Bowl Media Masseuse.
The word ``-wise'' - They were taking bets Friday on how many times Chargers coach Bobby Ross would use the ``wise'' word during his final press conference, as in ``Question-wise, I'll take one more.''
History led me to believe that 40 would be a reasonable guess. After all, Ross would be at the podium for about 30 minutes. Average-wise, a little more than one a minute was well within his range.
Not that he wouldn't have to work hard on it; focus-wise stay sharp and single-minded.
But it was Ross who, when asked about offensive strategy, said the Chargers would move the ball, ``length-wise and width-wise.''
It was Ross who praised quarterback Stan Humphries by saying, ``Work-wise, he's done all we've asked of him.''
And it was Ross who said about assistant coach Ralph Friedgen, ``Notoriety-wise, he's overlooked.''
But the crafty coach double-crossed me, coming in at a postseason-low six ``wises.''
Of course, there were only six questions asked, proof I'm not the only one who, atmosphere-wise, has seen and heard all he can stand about Super Bowl XXIX. by CNB