THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, February 20, 1995 TAG: 9502200071
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Guy Friddell
LENGTH: Medium: 65 lines
All the just-announced Oscar nominees have one thing in common.
I haven't seen a darn one of 'em.
Don't intend to.
In fact, when someone says to me, ``You've GOT to see that movie . . . ,'' a mulishness sets in, and likely as not I'll reply, ``Already seen it. It stinks.''
How can you get along with such a barbarian?
Like a 2-year-old.
You say something that gross about ``The Sound of Music,'' as I have on occasion, though I didn't see it, and soon everyone in the room is yelling at you.
The evening closes in shambles.
Some have to be physically restrained. Hostess in tears.
Broken friendships ensue.
No excuse for it.
I haven't seen an Oscar winner in 20 years. And look at me. Has it made any difference?
Well, yes, quite likely.
And for the worse.
But the only movie I've been to see in a 20-year hiatus was ``Jurassic Park.''
Only bore that to see if it stacked up to the first ``King Kong.'' It didn't.
Lacked soul.
Kong became my hero.
Tore the town apart looking for his beloved. My kind of guy!
You think they'd give Kong an Oscar? Not a chance. He wasn't a method actor.
Fay Wray deserved one for screaming.
Life is so replete with surprises that a vast impatience overcomes me at the thought of having to sit through a movie.
And with so many challenges at hand, I certainly don't want to take on more problems via the screen.
When girl and boy break up in the moving picture - as we used to call it back when we went every Saturday for a dime - I can't bear their sorrows.
I want to get up there on the screen with the star-crossed lovers and uncross the stars. Reason with the two lovers. Set it aright.
Once, to please someone, I endured a film, ``Wild Strawberries,'' and as a fellow moped around in a patch of wild strawberries, it was all I could do to refrain from jumping up and yelling: ``Old sport, pick some of those berries and go home and eat them with thick cream, and you'll feel better!''
``You see everything through your stomach,'' my companion sighed.
Now and then, a film snares me. For one, ``The Blues Brothers.'' Elwood and Jake, what a pair!
Saw it in snatches. Took about 14 encounters to piece together the whole epic. It is an utter delight, an immediate and lasting joy. One of the 10 best pictures ever made.
All that pleasure all these years. You think ``The Blues Brothers'' won an Oscar? Not a chance. Too much fun. You've got to suffer.
Tell you what, I'll pick the 10 best, most of which failed to win. Maybe the Naro would bring them back. Those I'll go see. by CNB