THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, February 24, 1995 TAG: 9502240057
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Listen Up!
TYPE: Teenology
LENGTH: Medium: 67 lines
Dear Smitha and Jonathan,
I have a 16-year-old friend who I am convinced is an alcoholic. He always gets drunk to the point that he throws up every weekend. We all hate him when he gets like that because he becomes incredibly hostile, and we don't know quite what to do. Just yesterday, he was too wasted to come to school. (It was Wednesday.) Is he an alcoholic? What can we do? - A Worried Friend
Dear Friend,
It definitely sounds like your friend has a problem. A teenager who ``binge drinks'' on weekends and alone on weekdays needs help immediately. Alcohol is the most abused drug in the United States, and most of us fail to realize that teenagers are susceptible to becoming alcoholics, because their behavior is less established and they are more likely to lose control.
Your friend may be drinking to escape problems or to turn off painful feelings of loneliness, insecurity or guilt. He may use alcohol as a substitute for close relationships. Some signs of alcoholism are if he appears to be getting a greater tolerance for alcohol, if you witness radical personality changes, if his drinking is obviously uncontrolled, if he has black outs and doesn't recall things that were said or done while he was drinking, if he denies he has a problem with alcohol and if he sneaks drinks or has an abnormal preoccupation with alcohol.
Your friend is not only doing something illegal but may be setting himself up for a lifelong problem with alcohol. He is lucky to have a friend who cares about him.
First and foremost, try the verbal approach. Don't attack him but tell him how he changes when he drinks and what you observe and that it hurts you to see him it that condition. He may just need to talk things out. On the other hand, he may have an even greater problem and need professional help. See if you can get him to talk to someone you both trust such as a parent, teacher, guidance counselor or substance-abuse professional.
This is not going to be easy, because he is most likely going to deny that he has a problem in the first place. Try to keep him away from the places where there is alcohol; don't take him to parties where there is alcohol, where he is bound to go overboard.
If this doesn't help, you need to make a judgment call. First, consider asking your parents for help. Or if that is not an option, you may want to approach his parents and tell them about your worries. We both agree that it is better to intervene now and risk his anger. He will thank you in the long run.
You need to remember that this is your friend's problem and that the decision to get help ultimately lies in his hands. All the good intentions in the world may not help, and this is in no way a failure on your part. Good luck and write us back to tell us how it goes. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a senior at Norfolk Academy. Jonathan Kolm is a
senior at Tallwood High. Their column appears biweekly in Teenology.
They accept questions on INFOLINE. Call 640-5555 and enter category
8335. Or write to them at 4565 Virginia Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va.
23462.
ILLUSTRATION: The most recent survey from ``Who's Who Among American High
School Students'' states that 50 percent of students surveyed think
some of their friends have a problem with alcohol.
by CNB