The Virginian-Pilot
                             THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT 
              Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Friday, March 10, 1995                 TAG: 9503090180
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON    PAGE: 18   EDITION: FINAL 
SOURCE: BY PAM STARR, STAFF WRITER 
                                             LENGTH: Long  :  103 lines

SURVIVING CANCER CHALLENGE FOCUS OF FORUM ONE ASPECT TO BE DISCUSSED IS THE NUMBER OF TREATMENT OPTIONS AVAILABLE TO THE PATIENT.

Mary Huff found the lump in her breast during the late stages of pregnancy at the age of 35.

The needle biopsy was negative, so she nursed for six months and didn't worry about it. But the lump remained. Huff went in for a mammogram a month later and was stunned when it turned out abnormal. A subsequent biopsy showed malignancy, and a mastectomy was performed in 1989.

When Huff thinks back on that period in her life, she is surprised at how little emotion she let herself feel.

``I was hospitalized seven times in six months,'' said the nurse and mother of two. ``But I didn't let myself feel too much of what was going on. I thought I was dealing with it.

``My husband was losing it - he couldn't look at me without dissolving into tears,'' she added. ``I was trying to be strong for him. I still had responsibilities.''

Huff, cancer-free for five years, stayed in a common stage that all cancer patients experience - denial. It was the only way that she, as a young wife and mother, could cope with the implications of the disease.

Having a terminal illness is something only another survivor can truly understand. Huff, along with several cancer patients, hopes to help others facing the threat of cancer by participating in a panel discussion Monday at 7 p.m. at Virginia Beach General Hospital.

The forum, ``Surviving the Challenges of Cancer,'' will address the psycho-social needs of patients and their families, which usually get overlooked while undergoing medical treatment. This event coincides with the annual Daffodil Days celebration at the hospital. Daffodil Days honors cancer survivors and their loved ones with a large reception at the hospital.

The forum moderator will be Cindy Parker, a registered nurse and one of the hospital's patient educators and the coordinator of the community support groups for cancer. Parker suggested having a panel discussion with patients in varying stages of recovery after seeing how much the support groups help those in need.

``What cancer patients give each other is immeasurable,'' said Parker, who also has a master's in counseling. ``This panel will bring out some of the insights patients have gained. It will focus on communication skills - a lot of patients don't want their significant others to hurt or be afraid, so they don't express what they're feeling.

``We want to give them a chance to say things and ask questions.''

But Parker realized that some cancer patients might be embarrassed to ask questions directly to the panel. A box will be placed at the front of the auditorium so that audience members can write down questions anonymously and place them in the box. Parker will then pose the questions to the panel.

``A lot of patients don't feel comfortable in support groups,'' said Parker. ``We're hoping to reach those who have a hard time talking about their illness.''

Keeping silent is how Huff dealt with her cancer. But she had a good teacher - her mother had breast cancer years earlier and didn't come down for Huff's surgery. She couldn't deal with all of the emotions again, said Huff. And when, after a year of treatment, her lymph node test came back negative, Huff's husband acted like ``Great, what's for dinner?'' she recalled with a wry smile.

``Then I got real angry and realized I wasn't sharing how I was feeling because I didn't know how to communicate,'' said Huff. ``Things come at you so fast your life goes out of control. A cancer patient has no idea how it's going to affect your life, your job, your sex life.

``Like, you don't know how long you'll need a baby sitter when you go to an appointment, or how many appointments you'll have,'' she continued. ``It's a lot of waiting, a lot of unknowns.''

Another aspect of recovery, which Huff will talk about at the forum, is the number of treatment options available to the cancer patient. If you have breast cancer, for example, do you want a lumpectomy or mastectomy; immediate breast reconstruction or wear a prosthesis? And what about chemotherapy and radiation?

``You have to be a lot more responsible to be a cancer patient today,'' said Huff. ``You need to know the alternatives, the options . . . you need to be educated. It's overwhelming to have that responsibility.''

Parker said that going through cancer is a process of shock, disbelief, denial and acceptance. But the accompanying emotions can be so intense that to stuff them as Huff did is a survival instinct. And having candid patients such as Huff to discuss the emotional aspects of the disease can only help the audience members, Parker said.

``I can talk till I'm blue in the face, but, when you hear the reality of Mary's story, the impact is different,'' she said. ``You can't get away from the fact that when you get the word `cancer' said to you it means death.

``But when you start talking, it removes some of that fear,'' she added. ``If you don't talk, it drives your behavior.'' MEMO: If you would like to attend ``Surviving the Challenges of Cancer'' forum

on March 13, you must register by calling 481-8610. The forum will last

from 7 to 9 p.m. and will be held in the hospital's Health Education

Center across from the Emergency Center. Light refreshments will be

served.

ILLUSTRATION: Staff photo by MORT FRYMAN

Cindy Parker, left, a registered nurse and one of Virginia Beach

General's patient educators, will be moderator for a forum in which

former cancer patient Mary Huff, right, talks about dealing with the

disease.

by CNB