THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, March 19, 1995 TAG: 9503160046
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY KRYS STEFANSKY, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 90 lines
FIVE YEARS after she and her husband tied the knot, Carolyn B. Pope still gets starry-eyed talking about him.
``He's as sweet as he can be and as loving as he can be,'' she said, looking at him with a shy smile.
Marvin E. Pope graciously accepted the compliment.
Though he's definitely Carolyn's knight in shining armor - it was his idea to marry on Valentine's Day - there were people who said the marriage would never work.
``They said it wouldn't last six months,'' said Marvin, grinning. When visitors stop in at the couple's Weber Avenue home in Chesapeake, he enjoys showing off their marriage certificate. A red heart sticker glued in one corner, it's framed in gold and hangs above the sofa in their living room.
The couple has struggled against more than the average odds facing married people today. Marvin, 40, and Carolyn, 50, both have developmental disabilities, mental and physical. When they realized they were in love, nine years after first meeting and three months after their first date, they had to convince support staff at the Hope House Foundation that they were serious about each other. Hope House is a non-profit Hampton Roads organization that helps the mentally disabled live more independently.
To complicate things further, Marvin had a roommate, who, until not long before, had dated Carolyn, then Carolyn Jo Bator. In Marvin's opinion, he hadn't treated her very well.
``I told him the next time he messed up, she's mine,'' Marvin recalled. He waited about five weeks after the couple broke up and then asked Carolyn out to a movie.
They started going together and then, recalls Marvin, ``I sprung the big one on her.'' He weasled Carolyn's ring size out of her, saying he was buying her a friendship ring. Then one evening he asked her over to watch cable TV.
``I said, `Would you go get me a Dr. Pepper out of the refrigerator and, oh, by the way, would you marry me?' '' He whipped out the ring. And she said, ``Yes,'' he recalled, still relishing the story. He even proposed on bended knee.
After their counselor asked them to save $250 to get married, they did it and bought wedding bands. They said their vows before a justice of the peace. Carolyn's uncle and Roslyn Cheek, who was their Hope House program instructor at the time, served as witnesses.
``They were the first participants of Hope House in Chesapeake to marry and have been an inspiration for others who want to get married,'' said Cheek. ``I feel like they really, really love each other a lot.''
Since an oceanfront honeymoon in Virginia Beach, the Popes have figured out what makes their relationship work. They agree on big issues, like not wanting to have children. They've formed a pact on smaller ones, like not discussing work at home. And they share alike life's necessary minutiae - such as cooking duties, which they alternate each night.
They walk each other to their part-time jobs on Indian River Road. He works at Pizza Hut, she at Taco Bell. At home, Carolyn is better in the kitchen than Marvin, he says. Her fried chicken, rolled in cornmeal, is the way to his heart.
The secret to a good marriage is good communication, they say. ``I listen to her problems and she listens to mine and we try to work them out,'' Marvin said.
His wife jumps in, ``That's what marriage is supposed to do.'' That doesn't mean they don't fight. As is typical of couples, the Popes argue most about money.
``We're doing OK,'' said Marvin, ``but it's hard when I have to say no. I want to give her things.''
They don't argue about music. Both are fans of country and enjoy going to concerts. Both are movie buffs, and Marvin good-naturedly tolerates Carolyn's TV passion, the drama Rescue 911.
``Look,'' he says with a wry smile, pulling out a handful of videotapes, ``These are all `Rescue 911.' ''
They don't have in-law problems. His parents, Marvin said, ``love her to death.'' Carolyn's have passed away.
And they don't argue about Pete and Marvin, two parakeets on whom the couple lavishes attention. ``They like to watch the news, especially,'' said Carolyn, adjusting the cover on the birds' cage, which sits right beside the TV in the living room.
``We're very happy,'' said Carolyn, looking adoringly at her husband.
``I married her for life,'' says Marvin, looking back. ``Till death do us part.'' ILLUSTRATION: REAL LOVE
[Color Photo]
MARTIN SMITH-RODDEN/Staff
Carolyn and Marvin Pope's disabilities haven't prevented a happy
marriage.
by CNB