THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, March 21, 1995 TAG: 9503210051
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DIANE TENNANT, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 157 lines
LATOYA WRIGHT sat on her great-aunt's plastic-shrouded sofa, next to a collection of dainty glass slippers, and reflected on her social debut.
``I've always wanted to be a debutante,'' she said, ``but I never thought I would really be one.''
Nor do many children from non-traditional families, from foster or group homes, or from homes where Social Services plays any kind of role. Well, they evidently haven't heard of Joyce White and the Young People's Guild.
It's not just the social upper-crust that comes to the Guild's Red Cotillion Ball. In addition to students from traditional homes, White regularly receives referrals from Social Services and students from disadvantaged backgrounds, for classes in etiquette and self-esteem and waltzing.
``They're treated like little queens for the day,'' White said. ``If they never get it again, they've got it that day.''
``Everybody doesn't come from middle-income,'' she continued. ``I do get children from lower economic environments for whom it's really a sacrifice for them to come here. . . . I believe there are two things we are commanded to do: to take care of the poor and the elderly.''
Thomas Gregory, social work supervisor at Portsmouth Social Services, said his agency tries to help older teens develop independent living skills. He said: ``Part of that is developing good social skills, etiquette, to be able to carry themselves well, develop self-confidence. We refer kids to the program to get that kind of skills.''
And they do, as they write their own version of the Cinderella story.
``This is Miss Debra's dress,'' said the woman from D&G Bridal as she fitted a red gown on 9-year-old Debra Shuler.
``Do I get to keep it?''
``After we make the alterations and dress you up the night of the ball, it's yours.''
``Very fancy,'' Debra said approvingly. ``I never wear anything like that.''
Cotillions have lost popularity in much of the country. Palm Beach, Fla., had to cancel its cotillion this year because of a lack of debutantes willing, or able, to pay the $5,000 to $25,000 it costs for fees, dresses and parties.
The Red Cotillion Ball is a little different. No season of parties. No outlandish costs. Everyone dresses the same, from a store that marks deep discounts on these gowns.
Wright, who lives with her great-aunt, could never have paid for her flowing red gown, dyed-to-match shoes, elbow-length gloves and pearl necklace, let alone the class fees. To her aid came the International Longshoreman's Association.
``Some of these kids are from foster homes, they're not the kind of people that would ever be selected under the normal processes that these social clubs use,'' said Edward L. Brown Sr., international vice president of the association. ``Being a debutante is an introduction to society. It's kind of hard to meet the requirements of a debutante if you come from a foster home.
``We think it's an outstanding effort that the community should support because she's reaching out, picking up young people who have fallen through the cracks.''
``Girls, get your hands down to the side. How do you hold your hands? When you have your gowns on? Hands out to sides. Right,'' White said. ``When you get in the archway, what is the first thing you do?''
``I bow?'' asked her student.
``Not bow. Curtsy.''
White says her aim in all this is to raise self-esteem and introduce children to proper behavior.
``I noticed that a lot of the children lacked certain social graces,'' she said. ``When we were growing up, there were certain things we just knew you didn't do, or even say. A lot of people grow up living off what other people think about them. They don't know what they think of themselves. I teach them how to look within themselves and see the good.''
White insists that her students keep good grades. She teaches them how to introduce themselves, how to talk on the telephone, how to ask for and accept a date, how to order from a restaurant menu. Then she makes them write essays, on topics from ``Why I Love Myself'' to suicide.
Shuler, who is not a foster child, won the essay-writing award this year. ``At the age of 4,'' she wrote, ``my mother took me to my grandmother's house to spend the night. . . . My mom never returned. . . .
``I do not blame myself anymore. I have forgiven my mom. God has given me a new mom, a stepmom who promises she will never leave me.
``I love myself because I am special.''
Shuler's father, James Burden, sat next to his poised, confident daughter as she talked about the cotillion, and about how glamorous she felt on stage.
``It's a maturing factor,'' he said. ``They learn a lot of discipline in this whole process. It gave them a systematic approach to accomplishing an objective - the cotillion. Maybe they'll be able to pull on that for a life-learning experience.''
``Go all the way down, curtsy, hold it for the count, then rise - gracefully. Smile, smile. What are you supposed to be thinking? I'm beautiful. Nobody's as pretty as I am tonight. Walk like a princess.''
The social workers who work with White are skittish about discussing their role or the youths they send to the guild. Privacy, confidentiality, chain of command, they say.
White is not at all skittish talking about the program. The cotillion, and accompanying talent/fashion show, drew the likes of U.S. Rep. Bobby Scott and a few hundred other guests.
``You have to tell these children this is something that they can't take lightly. This is a discipline for them. This is an investment in their future, to help them,'' White said.
``Most people your age don't waltz, because waltzing is not part of our culture these days,'' said dance instructor Thaddeus Haynes. ``One, two, three, one, two, three and we're dancing already. Put your hand on my shoulder. It has nothing to do with anything but being graceful.''
The grinning boys who made faces through the windows at the Berkley Recreation Center clearly showed their opinion of the waltz. White and Haynes do not tolerate such behavior from their students though.
The junior debutantes and their escorts must waltz in the spotlight after their presentation, and it's Haynes' job to make sure they look good.
Some of his pupils came dressed in high-top athletic shoes with flashing lights in the heels. Next class, he ordered, wear dress shoes.
A junior debutante swiped the back of her hand across her nose.
They were clearly not comfortable, boys gingerly clasping their dance partners around the waist, girls with tentative hands on their escorts' shoulders.
``This is purely business,'' White reminded them.
``If you don't want to look her in the eye, look over her shoulder,'' Haynes agreed. ``This has nothing to do with boyfriend, girlfriend.''
``Junior debutante Debra Shuler . . . Junior debutante Latoya Wright . . . Junior debutante . . . ''
The night of the Red Cotillion Ball arrived at the Omni hotel in Norfolk, but the gowns did not. Delayed by traffic, the delivery van arrived an hour and 20 minutes late, and only 10 minutes before showtime.
It was a serious test of grace under pressure. The girls had had nearly two hours to wait, practising curtsies, practicing sitting in a hoop slip, spraying and respraying their hair.
In record time, the dressers tossed gowns over heads and adjusted gloves.
White coached them one more time. ``I am . . . '' she began.
``Wonderful!'' the girls chorused.
``I am . . . ''
``Beautiful!''
``I am . . . ''
``Special!''
Days later, as Latoya Wright reflected on the cotillion, a display of tiny glass shoes caught the afternoon light. ``I was excited,'' she said. ``I didn't think that I could be a debutante. . . .'' Just down the hall, a pair of red dancing slippers said otherwise. ILLUSTRATION: LAWRENCE JACKSON/Staff color photos
From left, Dominique Dudley, 9; April Dempsey, 9; Lakiesha Pierce,
8; and Doncia Johnson, 10, wait for the start of the Red Cotillion
Ball.
Debra Shuler, 9, and her escort, Derrell Lynch, 9, are ready for
their presentation and waltz before friends an[sic] family.
Photo
LAWRENCE JACKSON/Staff
Chantille Copeland, 10, and Gregory Brown, 14, practice waltzing for
their time in the cotillion spotlight.
by CNB