THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, March 31, 1995 TAG: 9503290191
SECTION: PORTSMOUTH CURRENTS PAGE: 15 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY PHYLLIS SPEIDELL, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Medium: 70 lines
Springtime images of blooming flowers and blossoming romances can be downright annoying to singles who are still searching for their soul mate, or just a date for Saturday night.
Recently Richard Jaglowski, a licensed clinical social worker with Maryview Behavioral Medicine Services, led an evening seminar on the dating game, how and where to find eligible singles and what to do once you find them.
A minimal amount of publicity prompted some 100 people, a number that did not surprise Jaglowski, to register for the free program.
``In this generation, there are a lot more single people because of divorce and separation as well as people living longer,'' he said. ``There are not a whole lot of support groups for singles, and often people don't know how to access the ones that are there.''
His audience at the program was a mixture of ages, about a third male, and from throughout South Hampton Roads, the Peninsula, Elizabeth City and the Outer Banks. Some had been single all their lives, some for only a few months. They came from a variety of occupations, including truck drivers, bankers, professors and clerks. They were all drawn by the same goal of enriching their single lives with new friends, and perhaps, even a new romance.
``I was trying to find out places to go to because I have been out of circulation for so long,'' Sam Nash said. Nash, a 52-year-old truck driver from Elizabeth City, has been single for 14 years, but has not dated very much.
``I am sick of being alone,'' Chris Long said. Long, a 50-year-old retail clerk from Virginia Beach, has tried placing personal ads, but did not find them very productive. ``I am ready to get out of the long distance relationship I have been in for eight years and needed some new ideas,'' she said.
Like several others, Penny Thompson, a 47-year-old telephone operator from Chesapeake, found herself suddenly single after years of marriage and not sure what to do next. ``I would really like to meet someone as a friend, someone to go out to dinner with but I am not looking for romance yet,'' she said.
Jaglowski had a few straightforward, and often humorous, guidelines for Thompson and the others to consider before they joined the dating game:
Be satisfied with yourself as a single person first and then be sure you are really ready to date.
Try to date someone who shares your interests and goes places you like to go. Don't go to a hockey game to meet men if you hate sports, and don't try to meet people at the opera if the music puts you to sleep.
Get in shape and stay in shape physically and emotionally because it is stressful out there and dating can involve lots of rejection.
Let yourself date for the fun of it before falling in love; date more than one person and get to know a lot of different personalities, a technique referred to as the buffet method of dating.
Don't wait for Mr. or Ms. Right because while you might not find one perfect match, you might find several good, workable relationships from which to choose.
Make a point of getting out to meet people. Festivals, art shows and concerts as well as the grocery store are all good places to meet people because they encourage conversation and are safely public.
Learn something from each dating experience. Take what you have learned and bring it forward with you.
Paula Barnes, a 34-year-old teacher from Portsmouth, came to the program because she is still adjusting to being single again.
``It is easy to sit at home and think you are the only one alone on a Saturday night because everybody else is married or has a date,'' she said. ``It is a comfort to know you are not the only one.'' by CNB