THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Thursday, April 6, 1995 TAG: 9504060052
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: LARRY BONKO
LENGTH: Medium: 95 lines
I WONDER WHERE Kramer on ``Seinfeld'' gets his money.
Don't you?
He doesn't work. Or does he?
``Does Kramer work?'' is one of TV's Five Great Unanswered Questions. And here they are:
What is Kramer's source of income? On NBC's ``Seinfeld,'' the most popular show on television, Jerry makes his living as a stand-up comic. George has a job in public relations with the New York Yankees. Elaine works for some rich guy who eats Snickers bars with a knife and fork.
But how does Kramer pay the rent on the apartment in Jerry's building? It's also a puzzle to George and Jerry. In a recent episode, George summed up Kramer in this manner: ``He does nothing. He falls backward into money. He mooches on his neighbors and he has sex with women without dating them.''
One mystery about Kramer has been solved. We learned his first name. Cosmo. Next question: who pays his bills?
Speaking of rent, what's the rent on the apartments that are the setting for ``Melrose Place'' on Fox?
If you caught the re-broadcast of the premiere episode of ``Melrose Place'' recently, you saw Allison searching for a ``nonsmoking, drug-free, career-oriented roommate'' with whom to share her two-bedroom apartment.
She listed the apartment in the classifieds, specifying that the roommate's share of the rent was $400.
But that was ages ago. In the months since that premiere, Heather Locklear joined the cast as a ruthless man-eater named Amanda who bought the apartment complex with her father's help. She has raised the rent. But how much? And does it include utilities?
Whatever the rent, Allison has no trouble making it these days on her own. She's evolved from receptionist to head of D&D Advertising. She has Amanda's old job.
How long will Brenda of ``Beverly Hills 90210'' be studying in London? When the producers of the Fox drama dumped the difficult Shannen Doherty from the cast last year, they packed off her character (Brenda Walsh) to London to study theater.
Her name comes up in the script once in a while, and last Christmas, her parents planned to visit her. Since then, I haven't heard anyone on the show say a word about Brenda. The tabloids have been full of stories about producer Aaron Spelling's bringing her back for a May ratings sweeps stunt.
If Brenda doesn't come back, how long will the writers let her live in London? Nobody asked me, but I think the plots on ``Beverly Hills 90210'' have become dumb and dumber of late.
Wasn't that ripoff of MTV's ``Real World'' a silly mess? The show could use a good dose of bratty Brenda about now.
If Perry Mason isn't dead, why don't we see him on NBC's ``The Perry Mason Mysteries''? When Raymond Burr died after playing lawyer Perry Mason on TV for 31 years, the producers quickly signed Hal Holbrook to carry the series.
But not as the new Perry Mason.
In every episode, he makes a vague reference to Perry's being off somewhere, doing something.
Burr is dead but Mason lives on. When I spoke to the producer of the Mason mysteries in Hollywood not long ago, he told me that the keepers of the estate of the late Erle Stanley Gardner, who created Perry Mason, insist that Perry be kept alive.
Even if he's never on screen.
``Although Raymond Burr made the part his own, Perry Mason did not pass away when Raymond did,'' said the producer. ``We realize that we always have to explain why Perry isn't on `The Perry Mason Mysteries.' ''
Wouldn't it be easier just to cast a new Perry Mason?
When Burr played ``Ironside'' in the 1970s, the Perry Mason character was revived with Monte Markham in the title role. They even cast a new Della Street, Paul Drake and Hamilton Burger.
Why not do it again?
``The Perry Mason Mysteries'' without Perry Mason? How silly.
How come just about everyone on the the new ``Star Trek: Voyager'' series, airing Mondays at 8 p.m. on WGNT, speaks English? The way I understand it, Capt. Kathryn Janeway and her crew are 75 light years away from home in some far off corner of the galaxy. Don't you find it strange that WAY OUT THERE in the cosmos Badlands, a zillion miles from where people speak English, the Voyager crew finds creatures with whom they have no trouble communicating?
The Marquis, Cardassians, Ocampa and virtually everyone else the Voyager crew runs into speak English better than the actors on ``Masterpiece Theater.'' If you visit France, you need an interpreter. But these guys are finding creatures in collapsed stars who understand Janeway and the others in a heartbeat.
These are my five Great Unanswered TV Questions. If you have any, phone them in to me on Infoline (640-5555, press 2486).
Ever wonder how much Tim Allen's character earns for hosting ``Tool Time'' on ``Home Improvement''? That's Great TV Question No. 6. ILLUSTRATION: Color photo
The apparently jobless Kramer showed ingenuity by designing an
undergarment for men.
by CNB