THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, April 8, 1995 TAG: 9504070059
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E2 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 68 lines
CAN YOU BELIEVE that a presidential candidate would want to deprive us of the pleasure of preparing our taxes?
That's what Sen. Richard Lugar, the Indiana Republican, has in mind.
This week he proposed to abolish all the federal, individual, and corporate taxes, capital gains taxes, gift taxes and inheritance taxes.
At first glance, Lugar's plan seems like a good idea. He favors scrapping all federal taxes and then imposing a sales tax of 17 percent that would be tacked on to all purchases.
I was all for the plan until I dropped in on my neighbors - the Smiths - on Friday night. The Smiths oppose the Lugar plan.
Mary Smith, a mother of two, wiped her wet hands on a dish towel and explained why.
``We can't afford magazines because of the huge chunk of our income that goes to taxes,'' she said. ``But the 1040 instructions fill in the gap. It's like a humor magazine that comes to our house free. Everyone enjoys it,'' she said.
Mary claimed the instructions are funnier than Punch, the British humor magazine or The Harvard Lampoon.
She said her children keep running to the mailbox in January to see if the 1040 instructions have come.
``Then we all sit around in a circle and my husband reads the entire instructions aloud to all of us, giggling as he goes.''
Her children Amy, 6, and Jon, 7, read the parts they like best out loud to the rest of the family.
``They wear blue suits and use mascara for moustaches and pretend to be IRS people,'' she said. Her husband gives a prize for the best reading.
She said her daughter gave the funniest performance this year. Amy looped a finger around her ear before reading her passage aloud. ``It was so funny that she would double up at times, fall over the sofa arm, squealing with laughter.
What passage was it?
She thumbed through a copy of the instructions and showed it to me on page 25:
``If any of the above apply, get Form 5329 and its instructions to see if you owe this tax and if you must file Form 5329. Enter the tax Form 5329 on line 51. However if only item 1 above applies to you and distribution code 1 is shown in in box 7 of your Form 1099-R, you do not have to file Form 5329. Instead multiply the taxable amount of the distribution by 10 percent and enter the result on line 51. The taxable amount of the distribution is the part of the distribution you reported on line 15b or line 16b of Form 1040 or on Form 4972. Also, enter `No' on the dotted line next to line 51 to indicate that you do not have to file Form 5329. But if distribution code 1 is incorrectly shown in box 7 you must file Form 5329.''
And that's entertaining?
``It is when Amy does it,'' she said. ``I guess it helps to be here when she reads it. So funny, you know. She sticks her tongue out, rolls her eyes back in her head, gets on her back and kicks her feet in the air . . . really hilarious.''
Mary said her daughter wants to be a humor writer when she grows up and can't decide whether she should work for the IRS or the David Letterman show.
She and her husband haven't had the heart to tell Amy that the people who write the tax instructions aren't trying to write goofily.
``She'd never believe us anyway,'' Mary said. by CNB