THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, April 19, 1995 TAG: 9504180122
SECTION: ISLE OF WIGHT CITIZEN PAGE: 02 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: Linda McNatt
LENGTH: Medium: 91 lines
Happy birthday, Michele.
It's a little late, I know. Your birthday was actually April 6.
But your mom remembered, just as she does every year.
Since she hasn't heard from you, you probably missed the personal ad she ran in The Virginian-Pilot for four days, hoping she would hear from you, hoping that maybe you wanted to know her. She has always wanted to know you.
But that wasn't possible.
You see, your mom was just 16 when you were born in 1974, and she wasn't married to your dad. Maybe that's no big deal today. But, hey, it was a big deal in 1974. For her traditional, middle-class family, it was a tragedy.
Let me tell you about your mother.
Her name is Kay Frost. She lives in a small town in eastern Virginia, not too far from where you were born - Richmond. At 37, she is young and attractive with long, dark hair and eyes the color of chocolate. She bets your eyes are the same dark brown.
Kay is a dental assistant. And, oh, you have a little brother. He's 9, and his name is Jerry. He knows all about you.
Your mom never wanted to give you up. For as long as she could, she protected you. She never told her parents about you until she was more than seven months along. By then, she said, she knew it was too late for abortion. She knew she'd given you life.
``I went to school every day,'' she said. ``I just wore loose tops and unzipped my jeans. I wanted my baby, and I was determined I was going to have her.''
But she didn't know what else was in store for her. The ``problem'' was hushed up in her family and community. She was whisked away to Richmond, to a home for unwed mothers.
There, she said, nobody talked to the girls. They were told simply that they were minors and must do what they were told. There was little preparation for childbirth. Maybe that's why you were born in the ambulance, on the way to the hospital.
But, oh, she tried to hang on to you. When you were two days old, she plotted to run away from the hospital with you. That didn't work. She still grieves because she had no money to buy the baby pictures the hospital offered. But the mental image of your dark, curly hair and big, brown eyes has always been with her.
She stood before a judge and said, ``I don't want to do this. I don't want to give my baby away.''
For a year after your birth, she made secret phone calls at least three or four times a month to the Norfolk social services agency that handled your adoption, until they would no longer talk to her.
When your mom turned 18, she started her search for you. She admits she has no idea what she would have done if she'd had any success back then, but she was determined to try.
``I have never let go,'' she said. ``Oh, I never will.''
And as she talked, she cried.
Your mom, over the years, has contacted the state Department of Social Services, the home where she stayed and the hospital where you were born. She has registered in several states with agencies that specialize in reuniting children and their parents.
When she started having some health problems that she felt you might inherit, she even went to the Red Cross for help. She was about the age you are now when those problems started, she said. She hopes you haven't had similar problems.
The only thing she hasn't done is to send a letter to be included in your case file in Richmond. She said she's never been able to find the right words.
``I don't know what to say. I want her to know that she has always been loved very, very much.''
Finally, the rest of your mom's family - your family - have accepted that she won't give up until she finds you, that she will never be truly happy until she knows your life is all right.
And that's all she really wants, Michele. She wanted me to make that clear. She doesn't want to disrupt your life or to take anybody's place. She just wants to know you're OK, and she wants you to know that she loves you.
Now, after all these years, she's getting the support she needed 21 years ago - from her family, from Jerry and from the man she is about to marry. He understands, she said. He grew up never knowing until he was 16 that he had been adopted by his stepfather. He understands.
So, Michele - born April 6, 1974, at St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond, if you're out there, your mom wants you to know that she thinks about you every day.
Hope you had a good birthday. ILLUSTRATION: Photo by LINDA McNATT
Kay Frost was 16 when her baby was adopted.
KEYWORDS: ADOPTEE SEARCH ADOPTION by CNB