THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, May 13, 1995 TAG: 9505120059
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E7 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Betsy Wright
LENGTH: Medium: 90 lines
``EXACTLY WHAT relation will this child be to me?'' asked the grandfather of my two teenagers.
I smiled at the man and gave him the reply I'd practiced in my head a dozen times.
``Well, Stock, the truth is, this child doesn't have a drop of your blood in him, but it's still your grandchild as far as I'm concerned.''
``You're damn right. That's exactly the way I want it.''
Just as I'd known the question, and prepared my answer, I'd also anticipated Stock's response. Of course, this child I'm carrying is his grandchild.
Why the question? Stock is technically my father-in-law by my first marriage. He and his wife, Dawn, have been my ``other parents'' for almost 16 years now. (Even longer if you count the five years of dating before I married their son, Elliott.) Though Elliott died in 1986, and though I remarried last year, Stock and Dawn have remained my other parents.
The term ``in-laws'' has always been inadequate to describe my relationship with these two extraordinary people. I've often marveled at their love of family, blood or otherwise. Recently, as the birth of my third child approaches, my reverence for the Wrights has only grown more intense.
In this day and age of child neglect, paternity suits and parental irresponsibility, Stock and Dawn are a breath of fresh air. But then, they are simply a throwback to a time when family was family. A lifelong commitment. Each new child gladly embraced into the bosom of kin.
Not only have Stock and Dawn embraced this new child as their own, but it has been wonderful to see them embrace my husband as one of theirs.
When Bernie and I began dating - on our first date, as a matter of fact - I let him know up front that if he loved me, he'd also have to love my kids and my family.
``My family,'' I told him, ``includes Stock and Dawn; my sister-in-law, Ann; her husband and her son. I don't just have one mom and dad,'' I told Bernie. ``I've got two of each.''
Without batting an eye, Bernie said, ``Of course.''
Just one more thing that made me love the guy.
Since our marriage, Dawn and Stock have truly gained another son in Bernie and Bernie has gained another set of folks.
My two teenagers have taken notice.
``It's really awesome,'' said my son Luke one evening on the way home from the Wright's house, ``the way Grandma Dawn and Paw Paw Stock treat Bernie. I mean, they really like him. And they really think that this kid is just like me or Caroline.''
``Yep,'' I said. ``And the neat thing, too, is that Bernie really likes them, and he really thinks that this kid is their grandchild, too.''
``I think it's because of you, Mom,'' said Caroline.
``Well, sort of, but not really,'' I said. ``They love me like a daughter, but it doesn't always work that way. And there's nothing that says they had to include Bernie in the family. Dawn and Stock are just special that way. They have so much love in them, they just love me and if Bernie loves me then they love him. It's just that simple.''
``We've got a cool family, Mom,'' observed Luke.
I agree.
Ask me what this has to do with religion or God or Issues of Faith, and I'd be hard pressed to give you a straight answer.
It's just that somewhere deep in my soul, I know that loving others - loving those outside the bond of blood - is what life and religion and God are all about. The Hebrew Testament tells of Ruth's pledge of devotion to her mother-in-law Naomi: ``Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.''
The Christian Testament tells of Jesus Christ's similar stance on the subject. In the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 12, verses 46-50, someone informs the rabbi that his mother and brothers have come to speak to him.
``Who is my mother and who are my brothers?'' Christ responds.
He then gestures to the disciples and says, ``Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.''
Dawn and Stock are a lot like that. Family isn't just something you are born into. It's something you belong to.
It's not so much about blood and kin.
It's more about love. MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510; call (804) 446-2273; FAX
(804) 436-2798; or send computer message via bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline
is Tuesday prior to publication. Must include name, city and phone
number.
by CNB