THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, May 21, 1995 TAG: 9505180063
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 89 lines
DAVE SAYS:
It's official, Kerry.
Dr. Joyce Brothers, the lioness of American pop psychology, has taken a break from filming television commercials to study a pile of recent research into the differences between men and women.
Here's what she found: Husbands, she said, are smarter than their wives.
On behalf of men everywhere, Kerry, I'm going to be magnanimous about this. Gloating, after all, is a rather crude emotional display and might be used as evidence to disprove Dr. Joyce's conclusion. We'll keep the high-fives to ourselves, behind the doors of YMCA locker rooms. We'll hold the hoopla down to knowing grins and little winks among ourselves. You'll hardly notice.
And I'm sure Steve will be patient and understanding with you.
Dr. Joyce explained the phenomenon this way: Women, by and large, are attracted to men who are more intelligent. Men return this favor by hankering after women who are, to put it delicately, just a bit intellectually challenged.
This explains how Julia Roberts came to be married for a couple of days to a guy who looks like a dumpster diver. He must have been a whole lot smarter to have talked her into that to begin with.
But my native intelligence compels me, Kerry, to admit that there's a troubling little glitch in Dr. Joyce's logic, if you follow it to a conclusion. It has to do with the basic logistics: If most smart women marry smarter men, and most smart men marry dumber women, then there's nobody left to marry all the really dumb guys.
And heaven knows they're out there. But what happens to them? Are they all still single?
We know that's not true. Most of the guys in Congress are married. So are a lot of male newspaper editors and nearly every bullpen pitcher for the New York Mets. Somebody even married Sam Donaldson.
Which brings me to a confession, and another lingering doubt about Dr. Joyce's work: I have to admit that Kay, my fiancee, is a whole lot smarter than I am. In fact, she's so intuitive that if you asked her if it was true, she'd probably deny it just so I could go wandering along in some fantasy about my own value.
Then again, if I'm bright enough to be that kind to her in print, maybe I'm not so stupid after all.
So where does that leave Kay and me? Trapped in something you might call the Dr. Joyce Brothers Conundrum. We're both smart enough to know that any couple with half a brain between them would leave whole issue alone.
KERRY SAYS:
Whoa, Dave, this is what I get for letting you pick this week's topic.
I'm handcuffed on this one, as you knew I would be.
What am I supposed to do, insist that my husband's IQ is to the right of a decimal point? Not me, brother. And it wouldn't be true.
For one thing, my husband was smart enough not to chose journalism as a career, like some guys I know.
I can make fun of Steve's cooking. He's not a chef.
I can make fun of his grass mowing. He's not a landscape artist.
But I can't make fun of his brain. He's a lawyer. And a smart one at that. In fact, if anyone out there is injured in an accident, call Steve. The kids need braces.
But I digress.
This is one of the stupidest studies I've ever heard. Impossible to quantify and surprising in only one respect: I thought Dr. Joyce Brothers died back in the '80s.
Nevertheless, I'll do the best defense of womankind possible, noting of course that if women value brains in a partner and men value breasts, who's smarter?
It's like tennis. I'm a pretty mediocre tennis player. When I play with a rank beginner, my game stinks. But when I can trick a really good tennis player into teaming up with me, my abilities soar.
Life is like tennis, Dave. You need a partner who will elevate your game, not somebody who's gonna drag you down.
I know I married up, brain-wise.
And I see it as an investment in my smart children. So far we seem lucky. The kids have Steve's brains, his looks and, hopefully, his desire for a career that actually pays money.
There's a big flaw in your part of the column, Dave, and you know what it is. You ask, Who marries the really dumb guys, the ones who can't find anybody dumber?
I ask, What happens to the really smart women who can't find somebody smarter?
I know one of them settled for Bill Clinton. by CNB