THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, May 21, 1995 TAG: 9505190180
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 07 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: On the Street
SOURCE: Bill Reed
LENGTH: Medium: 71 lines
The scene is the Longhorn Saloon in Dodge, a dusty, windswept cow town. Inside, seated around a table are three people. One is the hulking town marshal. Another is Doc, a sawed off little guy with a squint and a mustache. The third is Miss Kitty, the proprietor of the Longhorn, a lady who wears a lot of paint, a beehive hairdo and a bustle. A half-empty bottle of Red Eye, uncorked, sits between them.
Suddenly, a short, stubby man with a noticeable limp and oversized 10-gallon hat bursts through the swinging doors in a state of high agitation.
Fester: Marshal! Marshal! Didja hear the news? The Yes-No Kid just rode outa town!
Marshal (wiping Red Eye residue from his mouth with the back of his hand): No, Fester, I didn't. I just stopped off to cut the dust and shoot the breeze with Doc and Miss Kitty here.
Fester: Yup. The Kid hightailed it outa town at sundown like a scalded coyote. I heared tell he's ridin' fer Georgia. They jist discovered gold and he's headed down there like a loco steer headed for a waterin' hole.
Doc: I can't believe it. Why, just t'other day, the Kid swore he wasn't agoin' nowhere. Said a team of wild horses couldn't drag him outa town.
Miss Kitty: Yeah, but that night Sparky down at the telegraph office said the Kid came aslidin' in just before closin' time to send a wire to School Board in Georgia. They're lookin' for a new gunslinger and Sparky says the Kid told 'em he was their man.
Marshall: Well, I'll be hornswaggled! He stood right up there at the Town Council just yesterday, sayin' he wanted to stay in Dodge, cuz there was ``much left to be done for local education.''
Then the council told him they just couldn't offer him no more money, cuz he already broke the bank on the new school house.
Miss Kitty: I understand that new $40,000 flag pole tore it. The school marm says it cost more than the new school.
Marshal: Yep, it did, Kitty. And what's more, I hear he hired three more administrators to replace the one he fired last year. Got the mayor so riled up, she swallowed her plug.
Doc: I guess the hand-writin' was on the wall. The Kid knew his time was up. The money was runnin' out and the taxpayers were gittin' restless. The cattlemen's association was even threatenin' to throw a necktie party in his honor.
Fester: I been noticin' the change that's come over him. He's been actin' as flighty as a filly at fly time.
Miss Kitty: Yep, I've been noticin' that, too. Why, just the other day he was in here and Smitty the barkeep said the Kid couldn't make up his mind whether he wanted steak and fries or pork and beans with his shot of Skull Buster.
He got so agitated when Smitty kept askin' him what he wanted, he pert-near had a conniption.
Doc: He was up at my office the other day, wantin' to know if I had somethin' in my medicine bag to help him get over the ague. He said the vittles down at Miss Martha's boardin' house weren't agreein' with him.
Marshal: We shoulda knowed something' was up, when he was headed down to the livery stable yesterday with his saddle bags packed.
Fester: Yup. He's a sly one - slicker `n a bar grease rubdown at Miss Hattie's House of Delights.
Miss Kitty: True, but he was soooo sweet! Has them cute baby blue eyes, too.
Marshal (testily): How'd you know? He's got a patch over one of 'em!
The scene fades with all four seated at the table, shaking their heads sadly. Theme music swells. Credits roll. by CNB