THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, June 4, 1995 TAG: 9506010052
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K8 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: ALEXANDRIA BERGER
LENGTH: Medium: 75 lines
THE OTHER DAY, I was riding my scooter in the Price Club. As I browsed through the book section, a lady toting a designer strap bag, strolled up next to me. Without warning, she leaned over my head. Her bag flew forward straight into the back of my head like a comet and hit its target, dead center.
The blow knocked my body over the handle bar. My arm hit the reverse button. With the speed of light, I ran over her foot. Mortified, I gave her my name and phone number. Indignant, she sauntered off, unhurt, mumbling her disgust at handicapped people's use of electric carts.
Berger's first rule: ``When in park, turn off your scooter, or you will have a libel suitor.''
Berger's second rule: ``Carry a $2 million liability policy.''
Undaunted, next stop, HQ. Smarter this time, I chose to ride the store's own vehicles. Within seconds, I smashed head-on into a display of WD-40 cans, which was blocking the aisle. The cans went airborne. The trajectory caused some of the can tops to pop off, spraying the whirling overhead fan section. The blades never worked so well.
Panic set in. Backing up, I got the cart hooked on a do-it-yourself book display and began to drag the dump behind me. The cart stalled. In an effort to free this parasite, my husband turned the electric switch off, then on. The cart jerked, lunging into a rack of Goop tubes, which split open and began to bond my hands together.
I became instantly blessed with green-shirted, overly solicitous staff, eager to help me to the exit.
Yep, it was a productive glued-together day. I had a headache from hell.
So what do you do with folks like us? Take this pop quiz and see how you do. The person with the highest score gets to borrow my Quickie wheelchair and race down the ramp at Nauticus, definitely the best in Hampton Roads.
1. Which is correct?
a. Handicapped.
b. Physically challenged.
c. Crippled.
d. Invalid.
2. You see a person in a wheelchair or scooter, stopped and blocking your access, you should:
a. tell them to move, so you can pass.
b. get what you want by reaching over them.
c. move them out of the way yourself.
d. ask them directly if they would mind moving.
3. You are at a party, and see an old friend, now using a wheelchair, you:
a. head for the steamed shrimp.
b. whisper to the host, staring at your friend, as he watches.
c. smile, go over to him and ask him how he's doing, then offer to get him something to drink, or wheel him over to the rest of the group and introduce him.
d. hate steamed shrimp, head for the bar.
4. You strike up a conversation with a person in a wheelchair, you should:
a. stand immediately in front of him.
b. stand off to his side.
c. sit or bend to their level.
d. stand behind him and lean over.
ANSWERS: 1. None of these. People are people. (A person ``who is disabled'' is politically correct.), 2. d. (You'd say, ``Excuse me, may I get by'' to a normal person. No difference), 3. c. (You'd walk over, and greet an old friend, wouldn't you? Just act natural). 4. c. (Try sitting down and looking up.)
Now, you are beginning to know the score. So, this weeks' ``Neanderthal'' Award goes to the architects of the Harrison Opera House for leaving the main handicapped entrance ramps open to the elements while protecting the stair entrance with a roof.
Hiss.
Put your umbrella up and let me know your funniest disability story. You could see yourself in print. Just remember to lock your wheels. by CNB