THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, June 4, 1995 TAG: 9506010055
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 88 lines
DAVE SAYS:
News item: When more than 100 women were given meals of sliced turkey, ham, cheese, bread, mayonnaise, mustard and Oreo cookies, those dining with other women ate almost twice as much on average as those who ate alone.
Few sights in life, Kerry, are more sobering than women eating as a group. A woman eating in the presence of some guy she's trying to impress will eat like a chipmunk. A woman eating in the presence of a bunch of other women will gauge the competition, figure where she fits in the pecking order (pardon the pun), and let the forks fall where they may.
That study of 100 women, courtesy of researchers at the University of Toronto, begs only one question: Why Oreos?
If they'd topped off that delicatessen lunch with a triple-decker Black Forest cake with cherries and sauce, the women dining as a group would have eaten four times as much as those who ate alone.
In fact, they probably would have hunted down those who were eating alone and stolen their desserts at butterknife-point.
Tell me where I'm wrong, Kerry, but I suspect the secret thought process goes something like this:
``Let's see, Linda has bigger hips than I do, and she has four Oreos. Cathy is a size 14 and I'm an 8, and she has six Oreos. Six times four is 24, divided by the three of us, so that means I can eat eight Oreos and still be skinnier than they are.''
None of this gentle calculus takes place among three guys. Each will grab a fistful of Oreos and jam them into his mouth as quickly as possible so he can grab a second fistful. They will keep doing this until there is only one Oreo
left, at which point two guys will arm wrestle for the right to eat the thing.
Women eating in a group are a bit more genteel. Just a bit. Kay, my fiancee, has admitted as much. She's too honest for her own good.
She once confessed that a weekly tennis match with a friend was little more than an excuse to go out to eat afterward. The match might last 45 minutes. The duel at the restaurant would go on for hours.
They'd tell the waiter, ``We're just having appetizers.'' When pressed, they'd admit they wanted all the appetizers.
A stunned waiter, adding up their tab, once remarked, ``You two ate all that? We may need a wheelbarrow to get you out of here.'' He should have held his tongue until they'd decided on the tip.
What's the deal here, Kerry? Why do women's feeding habits change so drastically when two or more of them face off over a menu?
KERRY SAYS:
There are several things going on here, Dave, and as usual - by focusing on Oreos - you've succeeded in doing nothing more than dropping crumbs all over the so-called study.
Why do women eat heartily in the company of other females, you ask? In case you haven't noticed, women have a special relationship with food. We tend to plan the meals, shop for the food, cook and serve food for our families.
A thankless job if ever there was one.
And yet we are derided if we seem to actually enjoy eating the fruits of our labor. Women are expected to be thin. To eat lightly. To be indifferent in the face of food.
When couples dine together, the men would be horrified at the sight of women cleaning their plates, ordering rich desserts. We know that.
But when women dine together, there are no such inhibitions. We eat in unison.
For instance, once a month my all-female book club meets. We each bring a dish. More exotic and appreciated fare can hardly be found. Last month the hostess prepared a delicate chicken salad with raspberries and crumbled blue cheese accompanied by little pieces of toast with goat's cheese. There was a bowl of fresh fruit, mimosas to drink and a bishop's cake for dessert.
Good food, shared with friends, has a spiritual quality that men who would arm wrestle over an Oreo could not hope to comprehend.
In fact, I think good food prepared for an all-male gathering would be totally wasted. What would you talk about as you nibbled the pate and toast tips - who's favored in the fourth race at Pimlico?
Good food, Dave, demands discussions of literature, societal trends, history and relationships. The kind of conversations entered into by women.
As the conversation between women becomes more animated and interesting, the eating accelerates. It's got something to do with physics - you wouldn't understand.
Sorry you find the sight of women enjoying food sobering, Dave.
Before you get too sober, buy yourself a nice bag of Doritos, a six-pack and invite some of your degenerate cronies over for some male bonding. MEMO: Kerry Dougherty can be reached at 446-2302. Dave Addis can be reached at
446-2588, and via e-mail at addis(AT)infi.net. by CNB