THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, June 18, 1995 TAG: 9506170104
SECTION: SUFFOLK SUN PAGE: 12 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Cover Story
SOURCE: BY PHYLLIS SPEIDELL, STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: SUFFOLK LENGTH: Long : 173 lines
WHEN DR. J. Craig Merrell found a hedgehog hissing at him from a cage in his son's bedroom, he was startled, but not completely surprised.
When you have nine children under age 18, you learn to expect the unexpected.
While most folks might tremble at the thought of parenting nine children, Merrell and his wife, Teresa, thrive on their large clan and its pet menagerie, which now includes Wicket, the bristling hedgehog; a 4-month-old puppy; a boa constrictor; other assorted snakes and fish; and a trio of iguanas.
The Merrells might sound like the cast for a crisis-filled family sit-com, but teamwork and patience keep things running fairly smoothly most of the time.
``Teamwork has to start between the husband and wife,'' Craig Merrell said. ``Teresa and I have the same goals, aspirations and desires for our children, so we are not divided or working at cross purposes.''
The family carries the most weight in the balance of Merrell's life. He is well-known in Hampton Roads as a surgeon, as an active leader in Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and as a medical ambassador to the world through Operation Smile. To his children, however, he is simply the super-dad they affectionately tag ``the gray-haired old man.''
Merrell, 44, is a plastic surgeon, part of a practice with offices in Portsmouth and Norfolk.
Since 1983, he has served on 17 missions with Operation Smile, a worldwide humanitarian effort to bring plastic surgery to children who could not otherwise be helped. He has logged more time than any physician other than the project's founders.
Merrell, a devout Mormon, is a member of the Bennett's Creek ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He is a stake president in the church, a position that leads more than 3,000 Mormons in Hampton Roads and eastern North Carolina and requires weekly meetings and travel.
Still, emphasis remains with the family in their home, a spacious, brick house in Cedar Point, which the Merrells designed with nine bedrooms to accommodate a growing family.
Merrell grew up in Arlington, one of four children, and assumed that one day he would marry and have children, perhaps a son and a daughter.
``But as the kids came along, Teresa and I realized the immense joy that comes from having children,'' Merrell said. ``We believe in caring for the Earth's resources, but we don't believe that God created this Earth to support fewer people than he will give it.''
After having six sons, the Merrells still felt their family was incomplete. That void was filled two years ago when, on an Operation Smile mission, Teresa and Craig found Sara and Anna. The girls, 1-year-old identical twins, had been abandoned in an orphanage in Cimpalung, Romania.
``We were fortunate enough to find these two little angels, but getting them over here was an unbelievable saga,'' Merrell said as the dark-haired twins, now almost 3 years old, took turns jumping into his lap and climbing across his back.
``We just kind of took it one day at a time,'' he added. ``We feel very complete now.''
Since their arrival a year ago, the twins have virtually turned the Merrell household upside down. ``The total is more than the sum of the parts when you have twins,'' Merrell said. ``These two have unbelievable energy.''
Fortunately, energy seems to be a staple in this family, where the day starts at 5 a.m. and may not end until midnight. The older boys attend seminary classes every school day from 6 to 7 a.m. in a four-year religious education program.
The brothers wrestle and play soccer at Nansemond River High School and in local recreation leagues. The boys are all honor students and active Boy Scouts. Thomas, 17, and Michael, 15, are candidates for Eagle Scout.
Among them, the six boys play enough musical instruments to have their own combo.
Last January, Mark Schaeffer, 17, came to the family for an extended, temporary stay, becoming an honorary Merrell and the ninth child. In spite of the number of people around, ``I don't feel like this is a dormitory,'' Mark said. ``This is a home.''
Mark quickly slipped into the family routine. When Craig Merrell takes his morning, three-mile run, Mark is usually with him, conditioning himself for another varsity football season at Churchland High School, where he is a rising senior.
Teresa, the logistics expert in the family, rides a stationary bike but gets most of her exercise chasing after the kids and making sure everyone gets to the right activity at the right time.
``Sometimes Craig and I have to divide and conquer as we call it; he goes here, and I go there,'' she said.
All 11 Merrells travel together as much as possible, aiming for at least two vacations each year, often with an educational spin. ``Restaurants shudder when they see our van pull up,'' Teresa Merrell said with a laugh.
This spring, the family traveled to Mexico to see many of the archeological ruins mentioned in the Book of Mormon, something the boys had studied in their seminary classes.
Craig Merrell tries to spend some one-on-one time with each of the children. Often that happens when he takes one of them along on an Operation Smile mission. Three of the boys have accompanied him to Vietnam and one to Romania.
A huge table dominates the Merrell's kitchen dining area, testimony to the fact that meals are enjoyed together whenever possible. ``But never at a regular hour,'' Teresa Merrell said. ``Dinner is whenever the greatest number of people are home at a given time,'' Craig Merrell agreed.
No matter how busy their schedules, all 11 Merrells reserve Sunday night for their family home evening. ``As a family, we get together for devotions and scriptures, family planning and family decisions,'' Craig Merrell said. ``Those nights are key because they give us a family reference point.''
On other evenings, the family finds at least 15 minutes when they can gather for prayer and reconnection. ``That is the thread that binds us together during the week,'' Craig Merrell said.
Over 20 years of marriage, Teresa Merrell has watched her husband evolve as a father. ``Most fathers learn as they go,'' she said. ``Take a 24-year-old, very goal-oriented guy and have him become a father; that has got to be a learning experience.
``The key is balance and I think sometimes I do a better job of it than other times,'' Craig Merrell said.
There are times when his quick smile fades and a sterner look comes into his eyes. ``If we haven't been responsible, then we will hear it from him,'' Michael said. ``Like if he finds too many empty milk cartons in the refrigerator.''
With a laugh, Merrell admits that just might be cause to get them all together, ``line them up, make eye contact and talk to them,'' he said.
Merrell will readily admit that he had his own rebellious times as a teenager, but ``I knew my parents loved me unconditionally, and you can't throw that away,'' he said. ``I treasure that and try to emulate it.'' MEMO: THE MERRELL CLAN
Dr. J. Craig Merrell Teresa Merrell
Thomas Merrell, 17, junior at Nansemond River High School
Michael Merrell, 15, junior at Nansemond River High
David Merrell, 14, 8th grade, John Yeates Middle School
Stephen Merrell 11, 6th grade, Yeates Middle
Jonathan Merrell, 10. 4th grade, Oakland Elementary
Joshua Merrell, 4
Sara Merrell, 2
Anna Merrell, 2
Mark Schaeffer, 17, Churchland High
WORDS OF WISDOM
Dr. J. Craig Merrell's sons have some thoughts of their own on what
it takes to be a good parent and were eager to share them, crediting
their dad with being their role model.
Thomas: ``You have to teach children the right things by example
while they are young. You can't wait until they are teenagers and then
expect them to be honest and things like that right off the bat.''
Michael: ``You have got to spend time. You can't be more worried
about material things than how your family feels, because your family is
the most important.''
Stephen: ``You have to teach your kids well so families will stay
together.''
Jonathan: ``Being a father means you have to be patient, not be too
mean or too easy.''
Mark: ``I know it takes a lot of diligence and patience, especially
when the kids are teenagers.''
David: ``Being a father takes a whole lot of love.''
ILLUSTRATION: Color photo on cover by Michael Kestner, Staff
Dr. J. Craig Merrell with 10-year-old Jonathan, one of the plastic
surgeon's nine children
Staff photo by MICHAEL KESTNER
Dr. J. Craig Merrell and his wife Teresa keep a bustling houseful of
nine children on an even keel in Cedar Point.
Anna Merrell, left, streaks between her brothers relaxing on the
family room floor of the Merrells' spacious home in Cedar point.
Anna and her identical twin Sara were adopted in Romania.
Dr. J. Craig Merrell, below, holds Sara as he sits in front of the
hearth.
Staff photo by MICHAEL KESTNER
Dr. J. Craig Merrell issues a call for quiet.
by CNB