THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, June 25, 1995 TAG: 9506230234
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 34 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY NANCY LEWIS
LENGTH: Medium: 80 lines
Motherhood is not a state Marla Saunders is anxious to rush into, and the awesome responsibility that comes with the territory is something this 20-year-old knows a lot about.
During her teenage years, while peers giggled and whispered in huddled debate over whom to date next, Marla's most pressing worries were what to feed her two younger siblings for dinner and whether they had clean clothing for school the next day.
She is one of thousands of teens nationwide for whom surrogate parenting has become a way of life because of divorce or - as in Marla's case - a two-career household.
Because both her parents worked, Marla, at 14, had taken over the care of brother Stanley Jr., 9, and sister Amber, 6. It is a role she has continued to fill throughout high school.
The verdict from child psychologists is not in on whether the phenomenon is detrimental for the youngsters who shoulder the responsibilities early, but if Marla's case is typical, there is no need to worry.
The statuesque woman, daughter of Rosie and Stanley Saunders Sr., graduated from high school last Friday, two years later than most of the teens who entered Princess Anne with her as freshmen four years ago.
It wasn't easy juggling homework with her other duties. At one point Marla was ready to give up, but with encouragement from her parents, teachers and counselors, she stayed in school.
In fact, she successfully completed a cosmetology course at the Virginia Beach Vocational-Technical Education Center and also studied modeling. Now, Marla looks forward to working in one of her mother's salons and perhaps embarking on a modeling career.
Rosie Saunders owns and operates beauty salons in Norfolk and Virginia Beach, and Stanley Saunders Sr. is a material handler at the Military Sealift Command at the Norfolk Naval Station.
Caring for her siblings ``got harder'' instead of easier as they grew, said Marla. In the summer of 1989, 14-year-old Marla's days began at 8 a.m. and didn't end until her parents got home from work in the evening. She cooked all the family meals and saw to the daily needs of Amber and Stanley Jr.
Looking back over her high school career, Marla said, ``It was a lot of hard work trying to stay in school, but Mom kept saying, `You are going to graduate.' ''
Rosie Saunders credits school personnel with her daughter's determination to get her diploma.
``She was just about ready to give up, but the principal, the teachers and her counselors calmed her down,'' said Rosie Saunders. ``You need other people to help out. Thank God for Princess Anne. Thank God for teachers and principals.''
Marla said that most of her friends have already become mothers. But she will wait until she has learned how to take care of herself before she takes on the responsibility for another person.
The experience of helping raise her siblings gave Marla ``strength, knowledge and wisdom,'' her mother said.
Rosie Saunders, who also has six grown children from a previous marriage - four of whom work in her salons - has a theory about raising children.
``It's just like that bird that nested by my window,'' she said, drawing an analogy. ``I figured God wanted me to see it. The mother bird hatches them, feeds them until they're a certain age, then puts them out of the nest, but she stays right with them awhile. I'll be right there with Marla, too.
``Our lives are like seeds,'' she added. ``It's a planting process, and God waters them. Marla has planted seeds for the rest of her life. It's harvest time now. She has planted herself in my heart. She was there for me.''
``I didn't know all this,'' Marla said to her mother.
``We're a team, Marla and I,'' said Rosie Saunders. ``You should have seen the finger waves she gave that customer yesterday.''
``How did that come out?'' Marla asked.
``Beautiful,'' said her mother. ``You should have seen it.'' ILLUSTRATION: Photo
Marla Saunders
Not eager to become a mom
by CNB