THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, June 30, 1995 TAG: 9506300049
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY VALERIE CARINO, CAMPUS CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 81 lines
WHAT'S IT LIKE to be young and female in the 1990s? In an increasingly sexualized and violent culture, girls are having the toughest time ever, according to clinical psychologist Mary Pipher in her bestseller, ``Reviving Ophelia - Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.''
The story of Ophelia from Shakespeare's ``Hamlet'' is a metaphor for what is happening to girls today, Pipher says. Ophelia's childhood is carefree and happy, but her adolescence brings on her self-destruction. During this time she falls in love with Hamlet and lives for only him. When he spurns her for being an obedient daughter, she drowns herself, affirming her need for his approval.
Ophelia shows the disastrous effects of when girls submit to outside forces and ignore their own needs. ``Reviving Ophelia'' made me think of the many Ophelias I know. In fact, all of my friends are Ophelias, girls who have at one time or another felt inadequate under society's expectations.
The book reaffirmed the fact that my own problems - a poor body image, fear of rejection and constant self-degradation - are common among all girls. I can't tell you how many times I've heard complaints from my friends about weight or about the emotionally abusive boyfriend.
But Pipher, who has treated girls for more than 20 years, does more than point out victims. Avoiding the pyschobabble of TV talk shows, her book informs, empowers and understands girls.
Pipher offers an insider's account of the pain many girls feel. In poignant case studies, Pipher charges that our beauty, material-obsessed culture has caused many girls to lose their self-esteem. The proof is in the number of girls turning to substance abuse, promiscuity, eating disorders and suicide, Pipher says.
One of Pipher's patients, Holly, whose mother abandoned her when she was in kindergarten, entered a sexual relationship in the eighth grade. After her boyfriend broke it off after three months, Holly attempted suicide.
``Holly was vulnerable to a common adolescent girl's mistake - using sexuality to get love,'' Pipher writes.
But the Ophelias of today can also include the most well-adjusted girls. Even they have trouble keeping a positive image of themselves, Pipher claims.
The problem is largely cultural, she says. I agree with that. Girls are bombarded with images of women who are oversexed and undervalued everywhere they go. The images are on TV, in the movies, and especially on the newstand.
``Because of the media, girls all live in one big town - a sleazy, dangerous tinsel town with lots of liquor stores and few protected spaces,'' Pipher writes.
Beauty isn't the only thing girls struggle with. Our culture considers adolescence a time in our lives that we begin to move away from our parents. But Pipher says girls, at this age especially, need their parents to guide them emotionally. New pressures - about sex, drugs and being accepted - come up everyday.
I know because I've been there. I remember trying out for cheerleading in junior high just because it was the cool thing to do and hearing the horror stories about the girls who got drunk and got pregnant the same night.
My friends and I never discussed these issues with our parents.
``Daughters turn away from their parents as they enter the new land,'' Pipher says. ``They befriend their peers, who are their fellow inhabitants of the strange country and who often embrace the junk values of mass culture.''
``Reviving Ophelia'' serves as a warning to girls, their parents and their teachers. But it also offers hope. Pipher clearly understands the destructive cultural forces that bring girls down, stifling their natural abilities and minimizing their worth as human beings.
After reading this book, I'm reminded of a comment my friend's mother made recently. We were watching a videotape of her other daughter's graduation from elementary school.
As the little girl stepped up to the podium to receive her diploma, the proud mother said, ``You know, leaving elementary school is like leaving the womb.''
That made sense. Girls need to be nurtured and appreciated during this vulnerable time in their lives and beyond. ``Reviving Ophelia'' urges us to do that. ILLUSTRATION: Photo
Valerie Carino, 19, is a junior at Old Dominion U. by CNB