THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, July 3, 1995 TAG: 9507010324
SECTION: BUSINESS WEEKLY PAGE: 06 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Doubleclick
SOURCE: Richard and Roger Grimes
LENGTH: Medium: 84 lines
Doubleclick authors Richard and Roger Grimes of Virginia Beach happen to be twin brothers and computer authorities. Their discourse on life in the computer lane appears every other week in Hampton Roads Business Weekly.
Richard: Roger, tell our readers why you love astrophysicists.
Roger: The other day one of these scientists said that he took a picture of a helium atom that was 3 billion light years away. Using whatever logic astrophysicists use, he deduced from this photo that the atom in question sat about three minutes away from the center of the universe.
Richard: So basically the astrophysicist spent years attempting something no one else wanted to do, mixed it with arcane scientific concepts and produced a result that absolutely no one could contradict?
Roger: Exactly.
Richard: I can see why this would appeal to a computer professional.
Roger: Naturally. One example of this would be the list of software purchase rules that I sent Richard. I intended the rules to outline the steps that companies should take when they purchase new software. There was only one problem.
Richard: Yea. It wasn't in English. It was in geek. I'll prove it, too, by listing each of Roger's steps as he wrote them. Then, I'll translate it back into a language that people without polyester pants can understand.
Six Step Process For Selecting Software For Your Company (Translated from Nerdish):
Step 1 Diagram the flow of information backwards in your company. Start with the information you wish to generate from the system. Then deduce what data needs to be input and identify the people who would do this.
Translation: Uh, Roger means figure out what the software needs to do and ask yourself who would be using it. Do you need a word processor to send threatening letters to your ex-wife's lawyer? Will your assistant be doing this?
Step 2 Choose an evaluation team made up of samples from all management levels and end-user departments involved. This can be ascertained from the flow chart above. Clarify the end-goals for the software and rank their importance.
Translation: Now this is a radical idea. Have the people who are buying the software meet with the people who will be using the software. Decide what the software needs to do. Remember to invite your assistant. Do not invite your ex-wife or her lawyer.
Step 3 Request information from as many vendors as possible. Twenty vendors is not an unrealistic number. Have at least three of these vendors give demos of their product. The members of the evaluation team should attend each demo and give written feedback on each product, delineating the good and bad points of each.
Translation: Pull your people off of any work that is actually making the company money and have them listen to salespeople who promise their product will increase work productivity. This is a necessary step, so try to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. Remember to grill the vendor about support, updates and warranties. For optimum effect, pretend the vendor is your ex-wife.
Step 4 If an old system is present, consider the need for data conversion and aggregated reports needed on an annualized basis.
Translation: Beats me.
Step 5 Have vendor prepare client site list.
Translation: Talk to people who have used the software before. Roger actually recommends an on-site visit to at least one of these customers. Ask what they like most about the software, and what they like the least. Ask what they wish the software could do. This last question often points out hidden problems.
Step 6 If the system includes both software and hardware, bid the hardware separately. Vendors often make substantial profits on hardware to make up for price negotiations on software.
Translation: Buy something. Make your employees learn the new system so they can eventually go back to doing something. Use the downtime from software negotiation as an excuse to lower your alimony payments. And finally, get working on those threatening letters. MEMO: The geek linguist can be reached at rgrimes infi.net
The rocket scientist can be reached at groger@infi.net
by CNB