THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, July 21, 1995 TAG: 9507210059
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E12 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Listen Up
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Smitha Gottimukkala and Jonathan Kolm
LENGTH: Medium: 54 lines
DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN,
This is probably a really stupid problem, but I am desperate! Ever heard the saying ``Sweet 16 and never been kissed?'' Well that's me.
I don't know what I have been doing wrong, but I have never had a boyfriend. I'm not ugly or stupid or boring (at least I don't think I am), and I've tried everything from smiling and looking interesting to initiating conversations. Maybe it's because I don't drink or do drugs. I guess my question, is how do I get a boyfriend? - Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
You say ``this is probably a stupid problem'' but it is the most frequent one we get on the Infoline. Trust me, you are not alone. There is no magic formula for getting a boyfriend or falling in love; a lot of it just has to do with timing. But here are a few things that you may want to think about.
Getting a boyfriend is not something that you can control. Being friendly, outgoing and open-minded can increase your chances of meeting a guy, but, for the most part, love's about ``timing, chemistry and luck.'' It may happen to you today, tomorrow or 20 years from now. So if you are setting deadlines for having a boyfriend, you are being unfair to yourself and are adding unnecessary pressure to the situation.
Sometimes the more you look for love, the more it eludes you. Try putting your energy into more productive things that will make you feel good about yourself like reading, hanging out with some good friends, joining clubs and playing sports. No matter what you choose to do, remember that what's important is that you feel good about yourself. The more self-confidence you have, the more people will be attracted to you.
Another thing to remember is that things are just as rough for the guys. There are probably many guys who are just as shy and scared of rejection as you. Be open-minded, and you may find that there are some pretty great guys that you haven't noticed before.
No matter what, changing yourself to make yourself more attractive to a guy is simply not worth it, especially if it concerns drugs, alcohol or sex. The relationship won't last if you can't be yourself. No guy is worth risking your mind, body and self-respect.
Although you don't have boyfriends, it doesn't mean you can't have male friends. Love comes when you least expect it, often just when you stop looking - so relax, be patient and be yourself. High school is about a lot of different things, make sure you aren't spending so much time looking for a boyfriend that you miss out on everything else. by CNB