THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, August 4, 1995 TAG: 9508040052
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Listen Up!
LENGTH: Medium: 66 lines
DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN,
I think that my best friend is anorexic. I know that this isn't something new because it seems like everyone these days is anorexic. But I am truly worried about her. She was already petite to begin with, but now she weighs 95 pounds and she is 5 feet, 3 inches tall. I've tried getting her to talk to someone, but nothing is working. She just gets angry or ignores me. Sometimes I just want to yell out ``just eat!'' What can I do? - Worried
Dear Worried,
Watching your friend starve herself must be difficult to say the least - a person you care about is hurting themselves and you are forced to remain on the sidelines fighting your impulse to say ``just eat!'' Remember that anorexia is not a simple condition, and while food seems like the enemy, the disease is rarely about food.
Anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder that seriously threatens the health through self-imposed starvation, occurs almost exclusively in females and most commonly begins during adolescence or early adulthood. Signs of anorexia
include severe weight loss, unusual eating habits, social isolation, extreme physical activity, extreme sensitivity to cold and in later stages, an increased growth of body hair.
On the surface the person may seem to be the model child but behind the mask is often an insecure, self-critical perfectionist. People who develop this disorder may be influenced by psychological problems, such as the fear of growing up, subconscious rebellion against parents whose standards are too high or social pressures taken to an extreme level.
In some studies, the prevalence of anorexia has reported to be as high as 1 in 90 adolescent girls. The severity of the condition varies greatly, and for your friend the condition may remit spontaneously after a few weeks or months, or it can become a chronic lifelong struggle that often results in severe physical debilitation or death unless adequate treatment is obtained.
There are things you can do as a friend, but we can't guarantee any of them will be immediately successful. First, try getting your friend to talk to a trusted adult or guidance counselor. You may want to accompany her the first couple of times for support.
If she refuses to see a professional, consider calling her parents if you feel they are unaware of the problem. This will be hard, but keep in mind that you won't be betraying your friend. Instead, you may be saving her life because her parents probably have the resources and power to get immediate professional help.
If neither of these approaches works, keep in mind that what happens or what doesn't happen is not your fault. Ultimately your friend is the one who has the problem and at times, the most you can do is be there for her even when she doesn't want you to be there. Reassure your friend that you love her for who she is - not for who others want her to be. Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares.
Note: If you need information about eating disorders, questions about where to go for help or even want a speaker to come to your school, contact the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, Inc., at (708) 831-3438. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a 1995 graduate of Norfolk Academy. Jonathan Kolm
is a 1995 graduate of Tallwood High School. Their column appears
biweekly in Teenology. You can ask questions by calling INFOLINE at
640-5555 and entering category 8335. by CNB