THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, August 13, 1995 TAG: 9508090046
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 82 lines
KERRY SAYS:
Did you see the latest, Dave? We ran a story in the paper predicting that the next mega-growth industry would be cosmetics for men.
Good grief.
And you know, it's already happening. Bit by bit, very gradually, American men have been getting in touch with their feminine sides.
It started when men began very gingerly using blow dryers on their hair. When their wives didn't immediately walk out they decided to try an after shave that didn't come in a pointy white bottle, with sailboats on the side.
After that first skid down the slippery slope to sissiness, men began shamelessly using skin-care products. Then came hair gels. And dyes, and sprays.
I suppose it makes sense that once a guy bursts through the wrinkle cream and perfume barrier, lip liner and undereye concealer are next. It's the domino theory all over again, Dave.
But I've got to tell you, the first time I catch Steve using my mascara, he's outta here.
I think I speak for most women when I say we don't want to wrestle our makeup away from the men in our lives. They don't like us using their razors and we don't want them stealing our lip gloss.
Who are these guys dolling themselves up for? Michael Jackson? RuPaul?
Someone very quickly needs to clue men in that no one trusts a guy wearing foundation and blush. It may not be fair, but that's the way it is.
And Dave, just try going to a job interview wearing lip liner.
There are practical problems for women married to men who decide to wear makeup. First of all, a guy with a $20 manicure is not going to want to mow the grass. And a man with a pricey pedicure is going to start eyeing our open-toed shoes.
Don't tell me it's just a cultural thing. And none of that gibberish about it being a return to more primitive times when face paint was intended to scare enemies - real he-man kind of stuff.
I'm interested in what you have to say about this trend. If you're not too busy getting your colors done.
Let me guess, Dave. You're a winter.
DAVE SAYS:
Yes, Kerry, you're absolutely right. I'm a winter. Which means my skin has a slushy feel about it, and is the color of dead leaves.
But don't bother locking up your eye liner, little friend. I can report from the deep end of the testosterone pond that men aren't touching up their lip gloss between innings at the ballpark. Not a single bass fisherman I know hides his face from the rain for fear his mascara will run.
I really can't believe you fell for that story, as long as you've been a newspaper scribbler. It's August, Kerry. You know what happens in August. The whole world goes on vacation and reporters for all 1,500 daily newspapers in America are cut loose from their official sources, who are all off loafing somewhere.
Sometimes, in a deep August swoon, reporters will stoop to writing about trends that never quite develop. I remember reading once, in August, that people might actually start drinking Zima. (Just what is that stuff, anyhow?)
There are only two possible explanations for that story about the great male mascara scare. One, it originated in Los Angeles, which means we can dismiss it out of hand. Or, two, the reporter's wife found a tube of lipstick in his glove compartment and he had to write a story about men and makeup just to prove it was all part of the research.
Men simply are not as vulnerable to hype as women are. Look at it this way, kid: Every spring and fall the designers in Paris and New York release new lines of flashy men's clothing, stuff only seen previously on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. And every spring and fall we run pictures of their collections.
To this day, have you ever seen a guy actually wearing that stuff?
Women, on the other hand, will melt all their plastic into a little puddle just because some fuzzball named Jacques Louis thinks their skirts this season should be a millimeter shorter and knit from recycled, range-fed ibex hides.
Odds are, Kerry, that long into your dotage every guy you know will still be wearing jeans, khakis and T-shirts. And our favorite lip moisturizer will still be the sweat licked from a chilly bottle of Budweiser. by CNB