THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Thursday, August 17, 1995 TAG: 9508170512
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B2 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Charlise Lyles
LENGTH: Medium: 65 lines
Perhaps, while Felix has his way with us, he also will provide us a few free moments to hunker down with a good book.
If you should be so lucky, perhaps you'll take me up on a hot suggestion.
No, it won't be ``The Bridges of Madison County'' by Robert James Waller or ``The Celestine Prophecy'' by James Redfield. No doubt, they've dominated many seasonal reading lists.
But all summer, I've been riveted to that self-improvement thriller: ``Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives'' by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. That's Ph.D. of physiology, not psychology.
The syndicated radio therapist, based in Los Angeles, reportedly has a national audience of about 9 million. She has yet to reach the airwaves of southern Virginia, according to her office.
Schlessinger's listeners tune in for her blunt, high-minded advice urging us women to hold ourselves responsible if we choose a mess of a mate or remain in a rotten situation with one. And she stands by good old-fashioned morals when it comes to sex, single girls and other matters.
Now, some women have a knack for choosing Mr. Nice. To wit: Take Sister-girlfriend A who married a guy that everyone thought was a, well, you know, the ``N word'' - a nerd. Sister A has been married happily for five years now. Whenever I see the couple I detect an aura of harmony.
Others of us may miss at mate-choosing every time.
Let's look at Sister-girlfriend B who married a man who looked like Denzel Washington, Brad Pitt and Bruce Dern combined. Whenever Sister B is seen (and that's rare because handsome turned out to be a megalomaniac) she exudes marital misery.
Despite vigorous argument to the contrary from my friends, I hold firm to my belief that when we women are unhappy with our mates it's often because of our willingness to do ``stupid things.''
Further, I'm convinced that when we do, the suffering ripples out to unhappy children, unhappy families and other societal problems.
I know, I know, that's a hefty extrapolation, but there's definitely a connection.
Sure, women face self-esteem problems, abusive histories and other psycho-social maladies that can cause us to gravitate toward the wrong mate for the wrong reasons.
But Schlessinger cuts the stroking short. She won't let us hang ourselves on the victim hook.
Schlessinger's critics call her crude. But I think her ever so cool and compassionate for just telling us the real deal.
It's tough love. But better hers than some jerk's.
Following are three of Schlessinger's ``10 stupid things'' or misery savers, as I like to call them.
``Stupid Courtship'': We're so down on ourselves and so eager to have a man that we'll date any boor willing to ask us out even though his flaws and kinks are formidable.
``Stupid Passion'': We jump right into a sexual relationship way too soon, the first date even, thinking it will create a bond of intimacy.
``Stupid Conception'': (This one concerns me the most.) Seeking lasting love and commitment, we become pregnant to hold on to a man. For shame.
Sister-girls, Let's take heed. by CNB