THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, August 18, 1995 TAG: 9508180079
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E12 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY PAIGE FORBES, SPECIAL TO THE DAILY BREAK
LENGTH: Medium: 89 lines
ON MY FIRST DAY of college, I practically pushed my parents out of my dorm room before they had a chance to say goodbye.
I was so eager to start taking advantage of all college had to offer that I couldn't sit still. There were hundreds of faces to meet, a room to decorate, classes to select and adventures springing up around every corner. It was like experiencing every emotion at once. I was overwhelmed with excitement and nervousness, and my adrenalin was pumping full force.
The parties started, classes began, sleep ended and I was loving every second of it.
Freedom.
I had looked forward to it my entire life. It met all my expectations and then some.
For 18 years, it seemed like my parents had told me when to eat, breathe and sleep. Now I was calling the shots.
They weren't there to ask where I was going, when I would be back, who I was going with or whether I had done my homework, remembered to take a sweater or made up my bed.
If I wanted a Coke for breakfast, there was no one to question its nutritional soundness. The other girls didn't say anything. They were all drinking Cokes for breakfast, too.
If I wanted to take a nap after my 8:50 morning class, that was my choice.
If my new friends and I decided to drive 45 minutes at 11 p.m. in the rain to nearby Washington and Lee University for a fraternity party, no one cared.
It even seemed normal to walk into the dorm bathroom at 4 a.m. and find a group of girls dying their hair blue.
One of my good friends developed a compulsion to call home every Sunday evening and listen to shrieks of outrage as she told her mom the details of her new-found freedom - her erratic hours, eating habits and the ins and outs of today's dating standards in colleges. I, however, quickly learned to edit my own weekly conversations with my parents. They didn't need to know every little thing.
Freedom, on the other hand, has a down side.
I found that out when I picked up a virus that would not go away. As much as I was enjoying college, it would have been nice to have a sympathetic parent fetch me frozen yogurt, fluff my pillow and scratch my back as I sniffled and whined and felt too ill to get out of bed. And ``Mommy'' wasn't there to write a note to excuse me from going to all my classes and doing all my work. It was still due even if I had a temperature.
My mother merely laughed at me when I called begging her to drive five hours to Roanoke to take care of me and make it all better. She said, ``You know those parties you go to . . . . This is just payback. Remember, you always wanted to be a grownup.'' Then she suggested I go to the infirmary.
I wanted sympathy, not practicality, so I called my grandparents in Norfolk. They turned me down, too.
Then I knew I was on my own.
You learn a lot your first year of college. I like to think of school as a financial partnership with my parents.
They're the backers. I'm in charge of the day-to-day operations. As long as I brief them and keep them up to date with a basic outline of what I'm doing (just so they know I'm spending their money wisely), we have a great system. I get an education as well as my freedom, and they don't have to worry about the unnecessary details.
If I don't hold up my end of the bargain, the fun is over. There were some students who could't handle all the newfound freedom, and they didn't last very long.
College counselors and the student affairs staff are there to help you if you get in over your head. But you have to seek them out. In other words, you have to take care of yourself. No one else is going to.
One of the greatest things about college is the freedom to make your own choices, but you have to be responsible enough to deal with the consequences. You have to make up your mind about when you're tired and need rest. You have to make up your mind about when you have to work on that paper to get it in on time. No one's going to remind you. No one's going to nag you or bug you. In fact, sometimes they'll try their hardest to tempt you to blow it off.
Be assured, nobody has it all figured out. You have to push the boundary and find out what works for you. Even if you find out the hard way that writing papers at 4 a.m. after a fraternity party is not a wise decision, you're one step closer to figuring out what is. So go to the parties, hang out with your friends, study, do your work and have a great year. And don't forget to call your parents occasionally. MEMO: Paige Forbes begins her sophomore year at Hollins College this month.
She is hoping to major in a combination of sociology and psychology and
minor in English. ILLUSTRATION: Photo
Paige Forbes is a Hollins College sophomore.
by CNB