THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, August 28, 1995 TAG: 9508260059
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 60 lines
FROM BARNYARD TO kennel, the old pet professor gleans newspapers and mags looking for unnecessary animal products.
And the most unnecessary item for the month of August is Thirsty Dog Bottled Water, as reported in The New York Times Magazine.
``Giving a dog unhealthy water, even tap water, that you don't drink yourself could be considered a form of animal abuse - your children would drink pond water, too, if you let them,'' says Marc Duke, founder of the Original Pet Drink Company.
Wrong, Marc. Forget your one-liter, flavored, carbonated water. Fifty million American dogs have been given the water test. And the unanimous choice is. . . toilet water.
No one knows, exactly why dogs like to drink from the toilet, Marc. And few of us like to dwell on the thought at any length. But the truth is dogs so stupid they could not find a telephone pole tossed up a bare beach can locate a toilet in a strange house the minute they enter. Toilet water is to dogs what champagne is to Larchmont yuppies.
Trust me, they have no interest in fizzy pet water.
The most extreme example of a toilet-loving dog was owned by a friend of mine in eastern North Carolina. The dog, a setter, was nicknamed Stan, a shortened version of his official name - American Standard - which appeared on his registered pedigree in kennel club records.
Stan slept by a basement toilet. He not only drank from it but growled and bared his teeth when anyone approached it. The plumber refused to work on Stan's treasure unless the dog was taken outside.
Stan would no more have thought of drinking water from a dish than a society matron from a finger bowl.
Not so of my cocker spaniel Mabel. She alternates between a water dish and the toilet but prefers the one in the bathroom. About the only thing Mabel fears is a thunderstorm. When I am not around to snuggle against when she hears the first thunder clap, she bolts to the bathroom, draping herself around the base of the toilet, one of her floppy ears glued to the base. I have concluded that she is comforted by the facility's gurgling sounds.
On summer nights when the water in her bowl may not be of a desired temperature, Mabel hits the trail to the toilet, probably humming that old Western favorite ``Cool Clear Water'' to herself.
Amazing how Mabel's licks at the bowl water are amplified late at night. When she is really thirsty, my sleep is interrupted by what sounds like the wooden clicks of a soggy castanet.
Marc, let's see if I can help you flush out a better idea. Try thinking of dogs on vacation with their owners who would rather perish than drink from filthy station toilets. So, what about Toilet Water For Dogs? And forget those Pepsi-type bottles. What about one resembling a toilet?! Now there's something dogs and their owners can get a handle on.
(It's truly astonishing how much of the pet professor's work is public service.) by CNB