THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, October 1, 1995 TAG: 9510010266
SECTION: SPORTS PAGE: C1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BOB MOLINARO
LENGTH: Medium: 68 lines
America is in a funk, all right. Under the circumstances, what country wouldn't be? Nobody ever said it was easy coping with LCS.
For those unfamiliar with our country's recent athletic disappointments, LCS stands for Lost Cup Syndrome.
When America had the Ryder Cup ripped from its grasp by a team of Ians, Seves and Constantinos, it was a painful blow to a nation that already was suffering from a serious cup deficit.
You could say that the American golfers lost the cup when their games went to pot.
Afterward, it was obvious that the loss of the cup jarred their emotions.
But the Ryder Cup debacle, as heartbreaking as it was for anyone who actually understood the scoring system, was only the continuation of a recent trend.
Not even the cup with our country's name is in our possession anymore. New Zealand sailed away with the America's Cup. It probably makes a handsome vessel for kiwis.
Two cups lost in one year. What other country has had to deal with such a bad case of LCS?
But that's just the beginning of America's cup problems.
The U.S. must beat the Russians in December in Moscow or go another year without the Davis Cup.
Then there's the World Cup, the soccer tournament. We don't have a prayer of winning that.
Now that the Canadian Football League has expanded south, an American franchise might win the Grey Cup, but how many of us would care?
As for the Stanley Cup, it will probably be back in Canada next year. In any case, it's a cup made by Canadians for Canadians. To most Americans, Stanley means power tools, not power plays.
At least we still have the Winston Cup. They can't take that away from us, can they?
Considering its misfortunes on the golf course and high seas, it is fortunate that America's cup deficit is offset by an abundance of bowls.
America has a glut of bowls.
By nature, Americans think big. Whether you're talking soup or sports, we prefer bowls to cups.
This season, there are 18 major college football bowls, including the Weiser Lock Copper Bowl, the Builders Square Alamo Bowl, the CompUSA Florida Citrus Bowl, the Jeep Eagle Aloha Bowl, the FedEx Orange Bowl, the Outback Bowl, and everybody's favorite, the Poulan-Weed Eater Independence Bowl.
When you think about it, the Ryder Cup already sounds as if it comes equipped with a corporate handle. But can you imagine the Hitachi America's Cup? Or the Nike Davis Cup? Or the Budweiser Stanley Cup?
Maybe these cups are not America's cup of tea because they do not lend themselves to corporate prefixes.
A country so attached to bowls can sometimes delude itself into thinking that it doesn't care about cups.
Speaking of football, how do teams get to the bowls?
By playing CUPcakes.
And back home, the fans watch the games with the aid of . . . that's right, satellite dishes.
But despite the loss of another cup from America, perhaps all is not as bleak as it seems.
The Ryder Cup has left the United States for now. But if somebody looks around long and hard enough, they could probably turn up the saucer. by CNB