THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, October 3, 1995 TAG: 9510030036
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DENISE WATSON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 139 lines
SONYA NAHID ISLAM has never received the homework lecture. Her parents don't need to stress the value of education or remind the 15-year-old to complete assignments before taking off to visit a friend.
The straight-A student demands enough of herself already.
Even though she's not as stringent as she used to be - she doesn't become too upset about getting a `B' and she no longer hyperventilates from nervousness before taking tests - she still loves to challenge her intellect. The Churchland sophomore carries a 4.025 grade point average.
``I'm setting myself up to take as many (advancement placement) classes as possible. I don't know. I've always set high goals for myself. I guess I'm ambitious,'' Sonya said. ``My family is pretty intelligent. They've always set pretty high goals for themselves, so I'm not only doing it for them but for myself too. . . . They don't need to put pressure on me to study; I do enough for myself.''
Her mom has noticed. Many nights, Selima Islam has awakened at 1 a.m. and asked her daughter to stop studying and go to sleep.
``Sonya wants to take all of these AP classes, and we say, `Well, OK.' But let's just see how it goes. Don't push yourself,'' Selima Islam said.
Helping her daughter find her academic comfort zone is one of Selima Islam's tasks in parenting a gifted child.
But not all gifted children are as driven as Sonya. Their parents face different challenges.
``In thinking about gifted children, it is important to remember that each child is an individual and each gifted child has unique areas in which their giftedness will be expressed,'' said Gregory J. Smith, associate professor of child psychology at Dickinson College in Pennsylvania.
``In other words, gifted children are not usually gifted in every area. The challenge for parents is to find ways to provide for their child's needs in the areas in which he or she is gifted but to remember that there are other areas in which the child is not gifted that also need to provided for. Of particular importance are the emotional and social areas.''
Here are some of the most asked questions when it comes to parenting gifted and talented children:
How do I know if my child is gifted?
Different school systems and experts use different tools to measure and define giftedness. Some children are great with the violin but have average IQ test scores but are still deemed gifted. Some parents believe their child is exceptional when teachers might classify the child as ``creative'' or ``bright.''
``Does this child seem to give responses that are unique, that show some kind of different ways of thought? That's creativity,'' Smith said.
``Does this child seem to give answers beyond their years? That's going toward pure giftedness.
``Bright children comprehend things relatively easily. They don't have to do a lot of extra work to stay with the class, but if given something a few months ahead of his or her classmates, they might have some difficulty in completing the task.''
Celeste Rhodes, director of the Program for the Exceptionally Gifted at Mary Baldwin College in Staunton, said parents might notice these signs among gifted children:
An unusual interest in different kinds of things.
Observations about things or people beyond their years. Their advanced reasoning abilities might turn other children off, and gifted children might become ``bossy'' or try to control play situations.
An intense desire to learn.
Long concentration spans when playing games or listening to stories.
An unusual talent, such as singing a melody really well, demonstrating real grace in movement, making complex drawings, telling stories that show remarkable imagination. Many gifted children have imaginary friends.
A high degree of emotional sensitivity with a strong sense of justice. Gifted kids feel things so deeply that they may have difficulty controlling their feelings.
How do I help my gifted child?
A basic is recognizing your child's characteristics and helping him deal with his uniqueness.
``I have found that although most of these students appear to be extremely well-adjusted, wonderful children who excel in school or in their area of talent, they often wrestle with strong feelings of isolation and sometimes inadequacy,'' said Susan Eskridge, associate professor of the Benerd School of Education at the University of the Pacific in California.
``They have to adjust their outward actions and conversations to fit the level of their peers if they are to be accepted. Those who don't are viewed as nerds and are often rejected, which results in stronger isolation or bigger problems.''
It's important to give gifted students a chance to play and work with other gifted children, to give them a sense of belonging. Finding school programs for gifted children is essential. If school systems lack them, parents might need to advocate for them.
It's also crucial to provide gifted students with a variety of activities. This not only feeds their varying interests but it also shows them life beyond their talents. Psychologists warn parents to realize that while their child might be advanced in one area, their are social and emotional factors to consider.
``A 10-year-old might be reading beyond his years, but he is still a 10-year-old. You begin to lose perspective about how much this child can understand and how much to expect,'' Rhodes said. ``You begin to think they are much older than they are because their intellect is further. Because they attempt to solve problems that are beyond them, parents believe they can handle something they can't. They need support.''
How do I know if I'm pushing my child too much?
``First, it is too much when it is done for the parent's sake and not the child's,'' said Smith of Dickinson College. ``Second, it is too much when it is done all of the time.''
Educators of gifted children warn that children who suddenly become bored in an area that they once loved might be suffering from burnout. Students who are pushed too far, particularly in an area in which they might not be talented, might show signs of underachievement. Parents need to identify the signs and help their children find their comfort level.
Parents need to talk to their children about setting realistic goals and expectations. Gifted children too easily become perfectionists.
``In terms of schoolwork, the child who re-does the paper five times because there's an erasure mark needs some help,'' said Jane Ann Snyder, specialist at the Stuart Gifted Center in Norfolk. ``It can get in the way of production. It's helping them find a balance, helping them get to a finished product.''
Paulita Brown, a senior at Princess Anne High School in Virginia Beach, said she's had to set personal limits to keep yourself in check.
``You put a lot of pressure on yourself when you're in accelerated classes,'' Brown said. ``Everyone is trying to get the highest scores, getting ready for college. . . . You can end up being your own worst enemy.''
Brown examines each honors or advanced placement course before she signs up, mapping out the time and homework commitment needed.
Balancing advanced placement chemistry, honors English, pre-calculus and honors society duties, she makes sure she can and wants to make commitments before joining.
``I talk to my parents before signing up for classes, and as I talk to them, I'm setting my goals and my expectations for that class,'' Brown said. ``Being successful doesn't mean automatically getting an ``A.'' As long as I've reached my goal and I'm fulfilling my expectations of the class, then I'm successful.'' ILLUSTRATION: [Color Photo]
TAMARA VONINSKI/Staff
Sonya Islam, 15, a sophmore at Churchland High, is trying to put
less pressure on herself.
by CNB