THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, October 6, 1995 TAG: 9510060043
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E9 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY ABBY SWANSON, HIGH SCHOOL CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 70 lines
ABSENCE IS supposed to make the heart grow fonder. That's what I've been told anyway. But each August, as college freshmen leave home to begin a new life at school, younger siblings are left wondering what this old saying really means.
Those of us who are left behind must make major adjustments in our lives, especially if we are close to the siblings who have gone away. After all, the people who we have been raised with and have seen almost every day of our lives are suddenly gone. Maybe instead of ``absence makes the heart grow fonder,'' the saying should be ``absence makes the heart grow fonder and life more difficult.''
Many teenagers grow to depend on older siblings as advisors, role models, tutors and close friends. When these major and daily influences suddenly disappear, younger siblings often feel abandoned.
A little more than a year ago, my older sister and best friend, Kelsey, left to begin her first year at the University of Virginia. At first, I was sad and lonely. We would no longer share our maroon convertible car with the ``MYSIS&I'' license plates, and night after night her chair beside me at the dinner table was empty.
I realized that I needed to adjust to her being gone. I felt a new wave of responsibility because I was now the oldest child at home. I could no longer depend on her for tutoring or daily guidance.
Twins Christina and Sarah Lepere, 15-year-old Catholic High sophomores, recall feeling sad and lonely when their 18-year-old sister, Jennifer, left to begin her first year at the College of William and Mary.
``One of the times I missed her most was when we all sat down to dinner because when she was there, she usually did most of the talking,'' Christina said.
``The entire house was a lot quieter after Jennifer left for college,'' Sarah added, laughing.
However, the quiet awkwardness gradually becomes more natural when the family adjusts to the new norm.
Often other relationships within the family improve as a result of the sibling leaving for school. Jenny Doll, 17, a Salem High senior, reported that she and her sister Missy, 13, a Salem Middle School eighth-grader, grew closer after their older sister left for school. Amy, 18, went to the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., last June.
Although all the teens interviewed for this story admitted that they missed the advice, support and friendship that their older siblings had given them, some were also glad that their households would be reduced by one. Many reported that they got more attention from their parents after the older teen left for school.
Laura Pollok, 16, a senior at Salem High, talked about the changes she noticed after her sister, Allison, 19, went to William and Mary.
``When Allison left for college, I finally got to be the only child at home. At first it was nice to get more attention from my parents, but after a while, I got tired of it,'' Laura recalled.
Teens reported that by keeping in touch through letters, phone calls and occasional visits, having an older sibling away at school was actually bearable.
It definitely takes some time to adjust to having one less person at home, but the transition can be positive. Before you know it, Thanksgiving will be here and the wiser ones will be home again. Until then, enjoy the extra attention. ILLUSTRATION: Photo
Abby Swanson is a senior at Salem High.
by CNB